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Nickodemus
05-03-2005, 11:37 AM
heres a modestly warped one, were as my other rps have een silly, this one will be serious. on <OOC> posting allowed please. now lets see if this ges going.

Genre: Modern
Time: present day, with a twist

history lesson to bring you up to date on your world: the first world war happened, just as it has now. the one twist being. Germany won. the drove back England and forcing them to sign a treaty, left Russia Alone, and signed a non agression pact with America. After that war. Britain itself. germany had all the rest of Europe and the mideast as its own. all was happy. WW2 happened at first because the Muslims didnt want that anymore and fought back. with a vengance. kicking out germany from most of the middle east before they knew what had happened. The problem came when Germany pushed back. Having enough with what it termed the Infidels. It was going to wipe them out. taking it all. America was having none of that. No longer a side player, they though they were in the big leagues now. America jumped into the war and seemed to be winning. but they dropped the ball on some key pieces of inteligence and only found out to late that germany had the bomb first. And they had more than one.....

About the same time that America jumped into WW2. ( the last great war as it was to be called ) Japan, no longer wanting to sit by idle, took asia in a resulting firestorm of atacks. and in five short years it was all theirs. they sided with Germany and created the Yamamoto line. Dividing up all of the asian continent. they got asia, germany got europe. Russia stayed home and they wouldn't get hurt. and they understood soon why they should.

In 1945 Germany ended the war. Three well placed nuclear bombs was all it took. One stuck the mid-east squarely between iran and iraq. the other two stoped the american might in its tracks. new York and D.C. Simply ceased to be. Realling back from the attack America signed a pact with germany and their capitol was moved to Texas. Why not, it worked, but they never fully recovered into the major power they could have been.

the present day: the Only major powers in the world are Germany and Japan. the others are minor now. Englad reduced to a minor presence and america cleaning its wounds has cut off all contact with the outside, sealing its borders.

Were you come in: You are an elite team in the British service. your job is to figure out what happened to the U.S. your intel sugests that America disloved turning in on itself, north and south split. but the scientific center at the time was working on a new bomb that might turn the tide. no one knows what happened to it? your job as per the queens orders is to go find it, or the info to make it.

Problem: Germany is on to your little plan and is sending troops of its own.


character sheet:

Name:
Age:
specialty:
anything else:

Please note that not all of you are going to be military, i need some scientific peeps and such. you have to go into uncharted teritory and find it on your own, no knowledge of your existence etc., etc.,

Also, I am going to need an operational commander for the field work.

Mission breefing: You All walk into a briefing room with a vid screen at the front.

"Ladies and gentlemen. You have been selected for a very special mission. Our intel reports the location of the secret base of operation puts it squarely in michigan, but as you know our intel is never that good. you job id to go in, find that base and get the information it might contain inside. expect heavy resistance from US and german forces, maybe even the JAPS if they get wind of this. People, this could just change the world."

PS: i am going to go with this, any ideas please PM me with them...

Nickodemus
05-03-2005, 3:12 PM
just try to read through it please, i did it out in like 5 minutes and i know it shows, but come on now..

I give then..

Geno
05-03-2005, 3:19 PM
just try to read through it please, i did it out in like 5 minutes and i know it shows, but come on now..

I give then..

Wow. Four hours. You do know people have things called "Lives" and "School" going on. I'll give it a read, though, since you're so desperate, and I have exhausted myself from doing one of three essays for FINALS and it's due in less than... Four hoursish... Yea... Give me a second. Expect an edit.

~Larry "Geno" Meyers
- BI's RP forum Aide

--Edit--

Again, I begin with this word:

Wow.

Why? First: Grammar, please. I don't care if it's not your native tounge or whatever. PLEASE find an English program and put it into that spellchecker. It's not hard to download a free copy of something, use a Translator, or whatever. But there's no excuse for non-capitalized words. C'mon, that's just pathetic.

Next: You have little punctuation in the right spot. It was very choppy, and hard to follow at times. Work on developing the actual plot. Changing WW2 has been done before in RP's, and truthfully from the ones I've seen, they don't last long. Usually it's only history buffs that try and get in, but then someone will argue a point that something should've happened, and it dies. Basically, good luck getting this to fully run with no problems.

Another thing: Give an RP more than just four hours before replying. I believe some of mine took a day or two to finally get a post in. Did I bounce them? No. Hell, my life story post in the Member's Lounge is having that problem. I'll post the next bit of my life, bounce it, and noone will post. Discouraging? Not really. It is, after all, different from an RP. But nonetheless, don't bounce your thread without reason.

Yet another point: Please work on the story itself. It's quite short, and leaves no actual direction, believe it or not. Oh my gosh, we need to find out what happened! Well, according to that story, you left no idea. That means everyone is going to make something up, and stories will conflict. How do I know this? Think about logic, think about ideas, and think about how everyone has different logic and ideas. Make sense? I thought so.

There's a LOT of work that needs to be done here before this is even close to Par for an RP. Revise it, get some new ideas, change some details, add some grammar and punctuation, etc. It'll help a lot.

¤ Review done by...

~Larry "Geno" Meyers
- BI's RP forum Aide

-- end edit --

singo
05-03-2005, 3:57 PM
Hmm, I'll give it a thought and see how much time the protectorate RP takes up, but I'm interested....

ZeroCross
05-03-2005, 4:04 PM
Well, I WAS all for it until I read geno's post......

Geno
05-03-2005, 4:25 PM
Well, I WAS all for it until I read geno's post......

Belive me, I'm not trying to discourage, but after all the Roleplaying I've done in the past, I have seen hundreds of different roleplays, and a lot of similar versions of one thing turn out the same. WW2 is a bad topic, as is nuclear war, 'Team RP's' with more than five people usually die quick, due to inactivity, or mass postings that make no sense... That's why I try and keep mine down to 2 or 3 people on a team, but even then, it shows that that's not the greatest idea. Lastly, things that deal with current events kind of die quick... Occasionally things that deal with TV shows or a specific thing die off, as people have their opinions of things.

There's tons more, but those are the big ones. Basically, anything with history dies. That's the easiest thing to say. It's only because everyone has their own thing, and with missing pieces of the story, it will go south.

~Larry "Geno" Meyers
- BI's RP forum Aide