My Problem...

[Protosschick99]

Okay ya'llz--Here it is.

I'm sure if you all have been keeping up with my Updates page you've read about my brother and best friend. Well, they are now boyfriend and girlfriend and it's kinda wierd but ever since I was a little girl I expected it.

Alyssa is her name. I've known her and her family since she was five and I was seven. She's grown up with me and knows me like the back of her hand. She's liked Jason (My brother) that long and now she is seventeen and they are finally making things serious.

Well--I'm happy for them :) But.....Things are different now. I mean....Very different. It sucks too. Alyssa barely calls me anymore :( And when she calls my house, it's only to talk to Jason. I'll pick up the phone cuz I know it's her and I'll be like, "Hey girl what's up?" And she'll be like, "Hey, is Jason there?" as if I'm just a nothing.....

She doesn't even hang out with me anymore. At church (That's the only time I get to see her) she goes off with Jason by herself but even if she does have free time, she goes and talks to her other friends and leaves me hang'n.

I thought this would be just a little phase--You know, when you are interested in somebody you kinda pay attention to them solely for a while and then you balance everything out--But no. This has been going on for months now. I've been really patient and said nothing, but I'm getting very angry now.

I've had to let go of our friendship soo much--And I don't think my brother realizes how much I've had to let go. Alyssa and I were pretty much attached at the hip! Now.....It's as if I don't even exist...:(

Why does this annoy me? Because: Who was there when Alyssa had drama with her parents? Me. Who was there for her, when she had drama at school? Me. Who was there, when she had drama with Jason before they were dating? (Btw, Jason gave her a really hard time and messed with her emotions before they got serious. He was a total buttmunch to her.) Me. I was always there for her! Now--I feel as if Im being taken for granted. I feel as if my presence is no longer required in her life cuz I pretty much don't come into her life much anymore anywayz.

Even when we do talk, all she wants to talk about is Jason Jason Jason....:| You know how ANNOYING that is??? I swear man--I LIVE WITH THE GUY! I don't care about what he's wearing and why he cuts his hair!

It really gets on my nerves.....And today--Oh man--Today totally got me ticked...:mad: Apparently, Alyssa invited Jason to come with her and her family to Knott's Berry Farm since they are on Spring Break. She never mentioned one word of it to me. NOT ONE WORD!! She didn't bother to even TELL me about it! She at least tells me the events of her life--But this she left out. She didn't invite me--Dang man, I invited her when my family went to Universal Studios! And we went this Tuesday!

Imagine having a best friend, and I mean, ya'llz are tight--You wear each other's clothes, come over whenever anytime, go with each other everywhere, talk all the time--who totally ditches you for someone, and then stops inviting you to things and basically just takes you for granted--You know how that feels?? IT SUCKS!!

I am sooo close to expressing the way that I feel in a very nasty way to Alyssa but my patience and control of my emotions have been holding me back.

It SUCKS--To answer the phone and expect her to say hi when all she can ask for is for Jason.

It SUCKS--To not hang out with her at all anymore.

It SUCKS--To be expected to give up 99.99% of my time with her, so that my brother can spend it with her.

It SUCKS--To be taken for granted, that you'll always be there, when you are not even appreciated.

It SUCKS--To have minimal conversations with her, and all she can talk about is Jason >.<

It SUCKS--To just pretend that everything is okay, when on the inside I am screaming at her to notice me.

It SUCKS--That, I would never do what she is doing to me because I know it hurts. (I've grown up with my friends leaving me for guys so I vowed to myself that I would never do it to them because I know it hurts. I've kept my vow ever since...)

It SUCKS--To realize that things will never be the same....That he is hers and she is his....I can't do anything about it anymore.

It just really really really SUCKS.

All I know--Is that--My other best friend Darlene--Has definately filled in the gap that was there. I appreciate her more than she knows. I've got her and she's got me. But guess what? She's 22 and I'm 19. Definately an age difference there--I know she's gonna be getting into a relationship soon.....Man I soo hope she doesn't jam like Alyssa did. I swear I'd go cry by myself to God. He's the only perfect friend.....I guarantee it. :)

[Geno]

The entire post above

Grace, you know that some people are weird like that, and sooner or later, she'll regret what she's missing. Either she doesn't realize what you've done for her, or she's going through the high-school phase still. Remember that age? Most girls hang out with only their boyfriends, and give no conception to their friends until either they break up, or a long time later...

Give it time, hun, and it'll soften out. If not, call me. I'm always there for you :)

~Larry "Geno" Meyers
- BI's RP forum Aide

P.S. Get on MSN if you can ^.^

[Erwinator]

All I know--Is that--My other best friend Darlene, I appreciate her more than she knows. I've got her and she's got me. I know we are gonna be getting into a relationship soon. She's the only perfect friend, I guarantee it. :)

Wow, do I sense some lesbian action. Keek. :D


But anyways, your friend obviously doenst want to have anything to do with you. Which seems to be pretty stupid because of the connections you two have. One day confront her about this, tell her how she used to be, and what she has turned into. You two will have a big disscusion and will be friends again. Any more questions?

[Demon_Child]

The only thing I can tell you is to not be there for Alyssa when she needs someone to the there for her. Basically just tell her that you have somewhere to go or something important that you need to do when she tries to lean on your shoulder.

I know that may sound rather cold, however, she will have to realize that you won't be her step stool, anymore. If she finally realizes her faults then she will try to make ammends and mean them.

[Black.Ice]

I think we've all been in a situation where we've lost a good friend.

It's human nature. When you have something of value, you tend to forget it. Your friend seems to be the same way, unfortunately. I know how bad it sucks, but I would recommend doing sort of like what DC said above. Hopefully, your friend will realize how great of a friend she has, and everything will be better.

[TranquilNightElf]

Things like that happen PC. Yeah I know it feels pretty crap, but sometimes people can be extremely inconsiderate and don't even think that they are being rude.
What you can do now is don't let her take you for granted anymore.
Tru in a new relationship people tend to be a bit exclusive at first, but being involved with someone should be no excuse to practically ignore a childhood best friend.
Don't feel that you've had to give up soo much of your friendship. It was Alyssa's descision. She was the one who let go.
I bet right now the majority of the frustration that you feel comes rom the fact that inside you must be screaming but Alyssa doesn't even seem to notice that she is doing anything out of the ordinary.
You really can't help that PC, and you can try to express your feelings to her but based on what you've written, I'd say she'd probably be back to herself for a day or two and after that, back to square one.
She might even come back at you asking you to be more 'supportive' of her new relationship....
so be prepared should you do decide to confront her.

DC's advice is probably the best thing I can suggest

[ZeroCross]

It sucks losing your freinds, trust me, I know. I used to have a really cool freind until he found some girl nearby where he lives, then he completely went offline on battle.net and never comes on anymore, so Yeah, I know what you're going through.

I also know how it feels to lose a freind because they stab you in the back and try to rally your other freinds against you causing more than just one freind's loss. I know how it feels to lose a whole phalanx of freinds because they just one day stopped caring about you and your problems, and just tended to themselves because they stopped caring, they went off to college, they grew up and thought the freindship was lame, etc. I have seen it all.

While I feel for your loss, I've been in your situation before, so I would just let her go. She has a crush on this guy, and God knows, women are suckers for punishment. They will go to a guy even if they know he's a total asshole, trust me. Do like DC says, and cut the strings. Only when she sees for herself what kind of person your brother is, will she perhaps come to her senses....hopefully.

All you can do is trust in God she wisens up sooner or later, but I would'nt hold your breath if I were you, it does'nt sound like she's going to be exercising common sense any time soon.

[BlackHawk]

DC's is probably the best, she'll need to find out on her own how much you're worth to her, and how much she actually needs you. She is obviously blinded by her 'love,' however just don't try to "be friends" and she'll come around.

[DeltaForce]

Sigh, i know it'll be repition except with worse spelling and no capitalizaion of i's, but again, people always have their own paths. no matter how much you care, they can, and will turn away if needed or feel like you're jepordizing her time w/ jason. i donno, maybe she feels jason's more close to you (i donno your sibling relations, my sis and i are kinda like, oh, ya, you exist, i forgot, but maybe yours is deeper). jelosey? i donno, maybe. find new friends, or a guy friend. i k=donno, juss turn your thoughts away from her. you've already done all you can, if she doesn't change, you should. don't hold onto something that's so futile.

yes, i know i sound harsh, but again, it's the only ways i know. i'm not telling you to abandon her compleatly, but take some time to yourself.

[uchafu]

Seems like a difficult situation, but in my opinion you should not be so hard on her, when we love someone we forget about the rest of the people around us. Have in mind that maybe for her, now it is uncomfortable to hang with you, because she is dating your brother. And if someday she tries to seek your friendship again, I suggest you accept her, because despite what she thinks you still believe in your friendship and friends always forgive...

[GrassDragon]

She doesn't seem to consider you a close friend anymore, even though you really want her to be. My best bud has recently gotten a girlfriend and all he could do was talk about her, but I ignored it (I'm sure I do the same :P), and as you said it was just an "adjusting" phase. But some people don't get over it, get completely absorbed by their significant other, and forget about everyone else. It's really a shame, but it happens. The best advice I can give is to give up on bringing her back as a friend (it doesn't seem like that's what she wants), and find new friends.

Losing friends is always hard though :concern:

[Markpyro]

Not to sound mean, Pchick, but havent you ever been totally consumed before? If you were such close friends, I dont see how she could just go and backstab you, which I dont believe she is doing. I dont think Alyssa realizes that she is hurting you.

When you try and talk to her, make sure it is a time where your brother isnt around or anyone else is. Tell her how you are feeling. Let it out, but be calm about it. Dont say "You are backstabbing me." She will get defensive, and everything will blow up.

If you cant talk to her, talk to Jason. Tell him, he can help because he is the one sucking up her time.

You are still in my prayers,
Markpyro

[Magmaniac]

It SUCKS--To not hang out with her at all anymore.

It SUCKS--To be taken for granted, that you'll always be there, when you are not even appreciated.

It SUCKS--To have minimal conversations with her, and all she can talk about is Jason >.<

It SUCKS--To just pretend that everything is okay, when on the inside I am screaming at her to notice me.

It just really really really SUCKS.


I have been in similar situations for the past year or so, and things havent changed much at all.

The best advice I can give?
Shit happens. Get over it.

I don't mean to be mean but the truth is its the truth.

[Protosschick99]

Wow, do I sense some lesbian action. Keek.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA--No.

Not to sound mean, Pchick, but havent you ever been totally consumed before? If you were such close friends, I dont see how she could just go and backstab you, which I dont believe she is doing. I dont think Alyssa realizes that she is hurting you.

When you try and talk to her, make sure it is a time where your brother isnt around or anyone else is. Tell her how you are feeling. Let it out, but be calm about it. Dont say "You are backstabbing me." She will get defensive, and everything will blow up.

If you cant talk to her, talk to Jason. Tell him, he can help because he is the one sucking up her time.

You are still in my prayers,
Markpyro

You don't sound mean at all Marky Mark, lolz :P I understand what you and everyone else is trying to say. As for totally giving her the cold shoulder...I could never do that to her. We've been friends far too long and we've gone through way too much together. I could never just be like "Peace out jigga!"

My emotions want to scream and yell at her, but I'm not letting my emotions control me. I have learned how to walk in love--And totally giving her the cold shoulder....No. I can't do that to her.

As for talking to her....I've already talked to her and she is still doing the same thing. I've tried talking to Jason--He doesn't listen. He feels that he doesn't need to share Alyssa's time with me. And it kinda sucks cuz I'm close to my brother and we hang out a lot together, so having this happen has caused a small gap to form between us as well :(

I swear man--Ppl in love suck! All they can think about is each other! GOSH! What's wrong with them???? lolz :P

As for me being "in love"--I was once....But that was a long time ago. Besides, when I was--I didn't go off by myself with him and leave my homies by themselves. I always hung out with them with him. It's not in my nature to do that like I've said earlier.

Anywayz, things never worked between him and I--It was bad....If I told you all what happened I don't think some of you would believe me as to why we went our separate ways. But what I can say is that he cheated on me with some other chick by sleeping with her. It was a while ago though--I don't care anymore. I have completely renewed my mind with the Word of God and my thinking when it comes to relationships have completely changed now :)

But anyway--Back to Alyssa and Jay--Today at church, Alyssa came up to me before church even started and was all jolly as if nothing had happened :shiftyl: I looked at her like, "You have got to be kidding me...." But I had already calmed down from what happened so my actions didn't really show what I had vented about before. I gave her a hug and when she asked me if Jay told me about Knott's Berry Farm, I kinda stayed quiet because I didn't wanna say anything foolish. So I said, "No. He didn't tell me anything and I didn't ask so whatever." Then she starts talking about him (AGAIN) and goes, "Well, yeah it was kinda last minute..." And she trails off cuz the expression on my face was like, "Shut up please. I don't care cuz you didn't invite me anyway."

Well, the guy that I like came up to us so I got happy, lolz. So we were talking for a few minutes and then I had to go back behind the platform before Praise and Worship started. I didn't let how I feel get to me during Praise and Worship because my actions/expressions/emotions are shown while I am on the platform. The whole praise team is there to usher the congregation into the presence of God and if we are not smiling or anything during our songs--We'll look bored as if we don't care. But I do care, I love Praise and Worship! I get all into it while I'm playing my congas, lolz.

But anywayz--I thank you all for your advice, it was nice to hear different opinions and I'll definately let ya'llz know how things are going. Laterz and be blessed!

[WeekendLazyness]

Have you tried talking to your friend about this problem, PC?

[Markpyro]

wrong thread. please delete this post.

[DragonPaladin]

wrong thread. please delete this post.
Well, then why did you post this in the first.

It look like you are suffering from (flips through developmental psychology book) Ummm...(scans the index...) where is it...(throws the book at a wall). Ok, you have several steps to take.

1. Be nice to her. Talk to her and tell her how you are feeling. Try to be friendlier to her. (This is a standard textbook explanation.)

2. Forget about it. Get some new friends. Erase all though of her from your friend. Do a standard recovery backup.

3. Plot your revenge. Although the hardest and worst, it can be lots of fun...I personally would laugh at her. Laugh and then snicker and then grimace. But I don't this choice is yours.

I'd go with number 2 is you can't handle 1.

[WeekendLazyness]

I think it is ridiculous to ruin a perfectly good friendship because of a little jealousy. Option number 1 would probably be the best for the both of you.

[TheGreatBrain]

1. Be nice to her. Talk to her and tell her how you are feeling. Try to be friendlier to her. (This is a standard textbook explanation.)Quoted for truth.

Just talk to her, if she's your friend she'll listen.

[Markpyro]

wrong thread. please delete this post.
No offense,dragon, but please, consider what I say before you post.
"WRONG THREAD" suggests that I posted something in the WRONG THREAD. At the time, I thought I was posting in a RP thread.

[Dark_Viper]

Hiya PC99..

i know exactly how you feel all too well. I've lost many friends in the same manner...But with me.. i loose all ties with them alltogether...

I don't see them anymore... and what ticks me off the most is when they do call.. its only cause they want something that i have.

i now know that none of the friends that i had were no real friends... go figure.

Im not the totally the gentlemen that i used to be... interesting story (you may skip this if you want)...

I was in a Co-op class with a fellow student and we went to the same workplace for our Co-op... so of course im the perfect gentleman; letting her go first on the bus, holding doors open, saying hello, ect...
Well guess what the kicker is... She Wanted to sue me for Sexual Harrasment... for being a gental men. she said that i picked the same workplace cause i wanted to be around her...she said i stared at her on the bus (all the seats on the city bus are facing farward, plus, yes i do stare when im forming ideas for game mods or graphics.)

Just to say.. people are stupid... life is just that.. life... I've gained friends only to loose them again...

But please... just try to work things out.. if she blows you off.. then you know that she wasn't a real friend and was just using you... if that.. you know that others do share the same missfortune.

As for now.. i have no real friends.. go figure eh?
D_V

[DeltaForce]

hmm, please don't hurt me, but i just thought of something. you knnow, i was re-reading your post again, and you're like,


Alyssa is her name. I've known her and her family since she was five and I was seven. She's grown up with me and knows me like the back of her hand. She's liked Jason (My brother) that long and now she is seventeen and they are finally making things serious.



so i was just thinking, maybe i got this all wrong, but, what i read was you guys knew each other since you were really litte (whooo! no? really now hey? lol P.S, that was me laughing at myself...), and she liked your bro when she was little rite?

soooo... :shiftyl: :shiftyr: ... umm, maybe she was using you to get to your brother? i know, i know, very unlikely, but, i donno, just kinda jumped out at me....

again, srry (ok, now you might want to kill me for being this whiney kid saying srry all the time) but i just thought i'll point that out....

[DragonPaladin]

Don't feel bad...Read this.

If it makes you feel better Dark Viper, call your friends "contacts". I have friends. What I have is a loosely associated group of people I hang out with and a group of closely associated people I meet every day. Now in grade school I had a predictament. Here are my friends

Kindergarten: Will. (I don't remember what we did but it was fun :) )
-->I met a kid named Matt and never played with Will again. He moved away.
First Grade: Matt (We would go on the swings and pretend we were flying. Ahh...the good old days.)
-->I skipped second grade and never saw him again. EVER.
Third Grade: Spencer (Mormon, nice kid, what else can I say? We just hung out.)
-->Nothing bad.
Fourth Grade Summer: I meet a kind named Sean. (We played army missions. Pretend of course...)
-->He went to the same school I did!
Fourth Grade: Me, Sean and Spencer played together trying to attack these kids called the "Genies."
-->Nothing Bad...
Fifth Grade: Well, all of us JOINED the "Genies" which we now named the "DBZ Fighters". Hey, it was popular that time.
-->Sean moves away in the middle of it. Never see him again. Now he is at my high school. Never see him much either.
Sixth Grade:All of us sort of make fun of Spencer because he was kind of big...
-->Spencer moves away. Don't see him under his high school plays vs. our high school.
Seventh Grade: I hung out with Mike and then Aaron.
-->Mikes moves off to someplace 90 miles away from Phoenix.
Eighth Grade: I hung out with a kind named Brandyn, he was cool and a annoying kid named Ryan who I hadn’t seen since Fourth Grade…
High School: Meh, I meet a kid named Simon. He copied my homework. (Begins getting angry.)
Now I hang around with these four fellas.

Austin Turnage: Short and with lots of attitude. Does not care about others feeling, his only purpose is his material gain.
Stefan Gibson: Soft-talking, he hangs out with a long of people
Andrew: Slightly mentally-unbalanced, he sometimes spouts out random phrases.
Brandon: Wears glasses and is nice to talk too.

And that’s the story of my friends.

[Spartan-II]

Andrew: Slightly mentally-unbalanced, he sometimes spouts out random phrases. Are you sure you don;t know me!? Although, I am not mentally unstable, I will occassionally say things like "Sex can wait! Masterbate!" etc.

[DragonPaladin]

No, no, Spartan, you don't get it. I myself will say random things like, "There is no spoon", "Wait a minute...if I move that variable to that method, I can create an entire new class to suspend the animation!", or "The World is my Laboratory and all you people all my test subjects."

He says things lke say your name with wide eyes, make weird sounds that only a constiapated cat could do, and sing random Jewish words.

[Protosschick99]

"Sex can wait! Masterbate!"



LOLZ! I used to say stuff like that a long time ago, but I'm a different person now so everything in that nature is completely gone now :)



Oh and to TGB: I've already tried talking to her--It pretty much went in one ear and out the other :(



And as for my being jealous--Yeah, I am, there's no doubt about it--But dang man after a while it sucks when I have to put up with everything I've been putting up with and having to keep on smiling all jolly like as if nothing is happening.



Anywayz, DV: That sucks man :( Girls are wierd man, lolz--Seriously. We can be really stupid sometimes.

[Hawthorne]

Protosschick, don't worry so much.
It's happened before to mee.
I had like 5 friends but guess waht, I haven't seen 'em in 3 years, they all went crazy and started retarding at a major speed.

Just find a new friend, ignore her, who knows she might even get jealous but even if she doesn't you'll still have a new friend.

That's the general advise I can give you, trust me it'll work ;)

Hawthorne

PS: I for now have only 1 real friend but he's from Belarus and only comes during the summer. D_V sue her for total neglection and for ruining your concentration :)

[DragonPaladin]

PPC99, step two! But use step three first! It's fun. At least for me it is!

[Valjean]

they all went crazy and started retarding at a major speed.

*Werewolf blows whistle and stuffs a yellow flag down Hawthorne's throat!*

Illegal use of verb, Contradiction!

(http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=retarding)

[Hawthorne]

Huh?
Wait a minute by retarding you understand a sudden change of decisions,character and overall behavior right?

Oh....... I didn't mean a loss of total intelligence, sorry my bad.

Hawthorne

[Valjean]

Click on the link.

To cause to move or proceed slowly; delay or impede.

[Protosschick99]

Well, as for an update on this situation!

I've let go.

Yeah I don't talk to her as much and I guess she still considers me her best friend--But I've let go a lot. I don't talk to her at church unless I happen to walk by her or she sits next to me when Jay isn't there.

Everything is cool--I've moved on and got over everything.....Praise God for that cuz those emotions were pulling me down. And I don't need that! :P So yeah, everyhting is good now! Thank you all for your concern :D

[TranquilNightElf]

Good to hear it PC.. It's always a bit hard at the beginning, but it's for the best :)

[Demon_Child]

Good to hear that the emotional baggage is no longer a problem for you, PC.

[DragonPaladin]

Have a nice day, PC!

[Ender]

Kudos to you for moving on. We miss you...when are you getting that router fixed?

[Geno]

*Waves*

Waitaminute... You said you'd call me last night at like 10, and I didn't hear back... *Grumble*

Oh well. Have fun back home, and come back again! ^.^

~Larry "Geno" Meyers
- BI's RP forum Aide

[Protosschick99]

It was like two in the morning my time when I typed that--I doubt you wouldda been up at 4, lolz :p

Thanks everyone!

And to Ender--I miss you my love! :D ;) :P lolz.

[Toucan]

Hi PC, I know you dont know me but i was reading the thread and thought i would put my 2 cents in anyways.

Its been a long time since I went to school, but out of all the people i knew then there is only 1 that I still speak to now. As to the others, I wouldnt even know were on this earth they are (tho we were all good freinds back then).
The one constant, the one thing you can always be sure of, is that everything is gonna change, the way you live, the way you feel, the way you think, not to mention absolutely everything else in the world.
Its good to read your not being brought down by feelings on this matter anymore, I wish i could tell you , you will never encounter such feelings again, but that is unlikely, people are funny creatures and usually wont see anything that which doesnt effect them directly

[Geno]

It was like two in the morning my time when I typed that--I doubt you wouldda been up at 4, lolz :p

Thanks everyone!

And to Ender--I miss you my love! :D ;) :P lolz.

You'd be surprised. I've been up at like six in the morning on some days and...

Yea, you're right, I was asleep... -.-'

~Larry "Geno" Meyers
- BI's RP forum Aide