ChairsSobD
03-13-2004, 8:23 AM
This a rough draft, so I would appreciate both Comments, Reviews and Spelling/Grammar mistakes pointed out :)
ty :)
PS: This is about 1/3 or half of the actual chp 1, I just like to get feedback as I go to make sure I'm not being stupid :)
EARTH
CHP 1
Old Beginnings, New Pasts.
Eric scratched his head again, as if the anwser he was searching for would come to him by ripping his hair off. He stared at the paper, his eyes blood-red, and then breathed a heavy sigh and leaned back in his chair, defeated. He glanced up once again at the sign and grinned. Nature of Earth was etched on it in plain lettering.
He decided to sleep on it; that would be a good idea. The dim light of his clock showed 8:35. There was still time to make it home for dinner, a courtousey he had not had for awhile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a keyring. Squinting at it in the lamp light he pulled one key from the others and dangled it in front of his face. Then he opened up the droor inside him and shoved all the documents on his desk in. He closed the door tight and twisted the key.
Within minutes he was outside his office, in the hallway and alone with his thoughts. He took a left and into another hallway crowded with offices. Dim lights were on here and there, illuminating the faces of the late night workers. He knew their faces more clearly then he would have wished to.
Finally he reached the last door in the hallway. He reached for his keys, but before he could get ahold of them the door opened in front of him. A dark figure stepped in. From experience he knew it was Josh. "Hey, Eric." Josh half-whispered "Late home again?"
"At least I'll get home today." Eric muttered.
"Yeah..." Josh paused, but his voice betrayed his excitement. "So, tell me about Earth! Is it hard naturing a sustainer?"
"Well..." Eric stammered "It's tough, yeah."
Josh grinned. "A friend of mine once had to nature a sustainer. He said he had to conciously stop himself from putting..." He glanced around nervous, then his speech became hushed. "...y'know... life on it. But he couldn't, of course, after Mars."
Eric winced. "Mars..." he muttered the name as the christians used to mutter about christ.
Josh suddenly snapped out of his nervous daze. "Well" he said, "I'd better be going. Seeya."
Eric, still consumed in his thoughts, muttered something back.
Eric shut the door quietly, so no one woke up. He glanced up at the clock: 11:35. So much for making dinner. He snuck upstairs and slowly opened the door to his room. A light was still on, and his wife was reading by the dim glow. She looked up at him and grinned, then patted the bed next to her.
Eric took the invitation and jumped onto the bed, shaking the springs. He began to stammer an apology "Honey.. Jane.. I.." but Jane stopped him. "I knew what the hours were when you signed up" She said, then trailed off, reminicsing. "Whenever you think that he's been kidnapped, he'll probably be at the office for a couple hours." She smiled softly at her memories of his first days at work. "You're going to need some sleep for tomorrow. Settle down. After Earth you'll have a few months off, we can do things then."
Eric began to complain but stopped himself. Then smiled at her. "Thank you so much for understanding"
"It's the least I could do" She smiled back.
"I love you."
"I love you too"
Those were the last words Eric heard before he slipped off into a comfortable sleep.
ty :)
PS: This is about 1/3 or half of the actual chp 1, I just like to get feedback as I go to make sure I'm not being stupid :)
EARTH
CHP 1
Old Beginnings, New Pasts.
Eric scratched his head again, as if the anwser he was searching for would come to him by ripping his hair off. He stared at the paper, his eyes blood-red, and then breathed a heavy sigh and leaned back in his chair, defeated. He glanced up once again at the sign and grinned. Nature of Earth was etched on it in plain lettering.
He decided to sleep on it; that would be a good idea. The dim light of his clock showed 8:35. There was still time to make it home for dinner, a courtousey he had not had for awhile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a keyring. Squinting at it in the lamp light he pulled one key from the others and dangled it in front of his face. Then he opened up the droor inside him and shoved all the documents on his desk in. He closed the door tight and twisted the key.
Within minutes he was outside his office, in the hallway and alone with his thoughts. He took a left and into another hallway crowded with offices. Dim lights were on here and there, illuminating the faces of the late night workers. He knew their faces more clearly then he would have wished to.
Finally he reached the last door in the hallway. He reached for his keys, but before he could get ahold of them the door opened in front of him. A dark figure stepped in. From experience he knew it was Josh. "Hey, Eric." Josh half-whispered "Late home again?"
"At least I'll get home today." Eric muttered.
"Yeah..." Josh paused, but his voice betrayed his excitement. "So, tell me about Earth! Is it hard naturing a sustainer?"
"Well..." Eric stammered "It's tough, yeah."
Josh grinned. "A friend of mine once had to nature a sustainer. He said he had to conciously stop himself from putting..." He glanced around nervous, then his speech became hushed. "...y'know... life on it. But he couldn't, of course, after Mars."
Eric winced. "Mars..." he muttered the name as the christians used to mutter about christ.
Josh suddenly snapped out of his nervous daze. "Well" he said, "I'd better be going. Seeya."
Eric, still consumed in his thoughts, muttered something back.
Eric shut the door quietly, so no one woke up. He glanced up at the clock: 11:35. So much for making dinner. He snuck upstairs and slowly opened the door to his room. A light was still on, and his wife was reading by the dim glow. She looked up at him and grinned, then patted the bed next to her.
Eric took the invitation and jumped onto the bed, shaking the springs. He began to stammer an apology "Honey.. Jane.. I.." but Jane stopped him. "I knew what the hours were when you signed up" She said, then trailed off, reminicsing. "Whenever you think that he's been kidnapped, he'll probably be at the office for a couple hours." She smiled softly at her memories of his first days at work. "You're going to need some sleep for tomorrow. Settle down. After Earth you'll have a few months off, we can do things then."
Eric began to complain but stopped himself. Then smiled at her. "Thank you so much for understanding"
"It's the least I could do" She smiled back.
"I love you."
"I love you too"
Those were the last words Eric heard before he slipped off into a comfortable sleep.