A Dying Atheist's Final Thoughts (Joke)

[TheListener]

I don't know if this should be in the member's lounge or the intellectual thingy. It's a bit of both. Just say what you think a dying atheist's final thoughts would be.


"If I'm wrong. I'm going to kick Jesus right in the fucking balls."

[Magmaniac]

"I wonder if I forgot to turn the oven off again."

[Ender]

"At least I got laid before I died."

[Aqo]

"Damn it"

[TheListener]

"This totally reminds me of that Muse song. Radical!"

[Basan]

"*Meh* I knew it would happen sooner or later." :P

[Thedutchjelle]

*Who the fuck pulled the plug out of my life support*

[xodkrm]

"Wait, what?"

[Ubergopher]

"You know, if no one looked at me I could be dead and alive at the same time."

EDIT: So why the hell would you think that this is IR material? Have you ever LOOKED in the IR?

[Yoda]

So why the hell would you think that this is IR material?

Have you ever LOOKED in the IR?

Interesting juxtaposition ;)

"I never told (so and so) how much I loved them..."

[Darmago]

"I Knew I shouldn't have set the antimass-spectrometer at 105%"

if you get the reference you win a prize

[SHISHKABOB]

"Hmmm, my vision is going white, probably caused by a lack of blood flow to the brain."

[SuiCidAl-KiSmEt]

This is a swell time to attempt my first back-flip.
I wish I could do a back-flip ;/

[GenocideAlive]

"I pledge my heart and soul to Jesus as my Lord and Savior."

Nothing like breaking the rules for your whole life and getting redeemed in the last 5 seconds.

[Darmago]

"I pledge my heart and soul to Jesus as my Lord and Savior."

Nothing like breaking the rules for your whole life and getting redeemed in the last 5 seconds.

Only to find yourself on the other side in islamic hell :D

[own3d0406]

"I Knew I shouldn't have set the antimass-spectrometer at 105%"

if you get the reference you win a prize
Half-Life yo.

[kongurous]

"God I hope I go to Limbo."

God: "Not a chance."

"Damn."

[Ender]

"Oh shit, not again."

[Ubergopher]

"I pledge my heart and soul to Jesus as my Lord and Savior."

Nothing like breaking the rules for your whole life and getting redeemed in the last 5 seconds.




Only to find yourself on the other side in islamic hell
The ultimate iorny. +rep.

[Toucan]

"I pledge my heart and soul to Jesus as my Lord and Savior."

Nothing like breaking the rules for your whole life and getting redeemed in the last 5 seconds.
I laughed out loud when I read that, rep for you. But still the most fascinating thing I read on the forum today. As well as the funniest.

[master_link]

Wow, I just noticed that Rep existed here. xD

"OMFG!WTF!111 i got booted! fukin mher, im gunn report u and get u band!!!11"

[B.A.Baracus]

"Hello E.T., I'm assuming the Scientologists were right"

[Icarus]

"eugheughausufghueghueghuahgheugeueguhe NURS-!"

but then again... that might be anyones last words lol

[TheListener]

"I pledge my heart and soul to Jesus as my Lord and Savior."

Nothing like breaking the rules for your whole life and getting redeemed in the last 5 seconds.

hahah!

I remember a joke that went. "A smart man doesn't turn to Jesus to ask if he may sin. A smart man goes ahead with it and then half-heartedly asks for forgiveness.. and gets it"

[Yoda]

Because this is a joke thread, I won't mention the misunderstandings in GA's and TheListener's last posts. ;)

"Hey, some random owes me money and I never remembered to ask them for it."

[Thedutchjelle]

'Its all so black! Aargh.'

[Yoda]

"Why aren't I more upset of the prospect of ceasing to exist?"

[TheListener]

It is a joke. I honestly don't pretend to know how your lord/God goes about forgiving and it would be wholly ignorant and inadvisable if I did. Soz.

"Wait... wait... so like... tell me again. How long is hell and stuff? Cause I don't like the sound of eternal damnation very much..."

[Thedutchjelle]

"This was over all to soon"

[Darmago]

"Damnit, Dawkins, You were WAY off!"

[SuiCidAl-KiSmEt]

Hallucinates a figure:
"Zephrin Cocrin!, is that you?"
"What did you to your hair?"

[Icarus]

"For Aiur"

[Thedutchjelle]

"I fear not Death, for our strenght is eternal."

Fenix pwns.

[TheListener]

"lawl"

[Thedutchjelle]

"You know how i said you were going to get the house? Well.. you're not."

[GenocideAlive]

Interesting juxtaposition ;)

I'm not going to correct the mis...
Wow, you never get too tired to do some sniping, do you?

It's like you're the passive-aggressive nerd queen.

[Protoss_Honor]

To whoever is with him as he dies, "In the off chance I have been wrong all this time, can you get me a fan?"


Atheist, "Hey! You're not supposed to exist!"
God, "O rly?"
Atheist, "Ya rly!"

[Icarus]

Stranger "So tell me about yourself"

Atheist "well, i'm atheist"

Stranger "DIE BIARTCH!"*stab stab stab*

[Basan]

"Oh my... is this what happens when you get to the other side?" "Just wait until those fundies come around..." :D

[Magmaniac]

"Whatever happened to Gilbert Gottfried?" *head explodes*

[p3ngu!n]

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God... "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says man, "the Babel Fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It proves you exist...therefore, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

And eternal life is taken away from us all.

The end.

[Ubergopher]

You fail for stealing from Hitchhikers Guide without referencing it.

[p3ngu!n]

Why the hell would I quote it? I want the joke to be for those who know where it's from. If I reference it, it won't make it any funnier for those who don't know where it's from. If I don't reference it, those who do get it get to go "Hitchhikers! Nice!"

[Leosam096]

"I was so close in finding the meaning of 42."

---------------
EDIT:
Atheist: So I'm wrong, this is Unbelievable!
God: This...? THIS IS HEAVEN!!!
*Atheist gets kicked and falls into the pits of hell*

[B.A.Baracus]

"at least I die knowing I wont have to see another final fantasy 7 spin off"

[TheListener]

"at least I die knowing I wont have to see another final fantasy 7 spin off"

thats for the lulz

[Zenox]

Atheist:" so you're suppose to be god?"

God:"jupp"

Atheist:"..if i knew you were a hot chick i would have built you a Church"

[p3ngu!n]

Son of a ... *last grasp for air* bitch...

[MatGeo]

*Atheist dies.*

God: "Welcome, to the Final Judgment!"
Atheist: "Judgment? Hold on let me call my lawyer."

[Serban]

"It was all for you, Jelle Groot..."

[Thedutchjelle]

"Thank god that's all over..

..

wait did i just say 'god' ?'

[TheDriver]

In The Grave
Wow i wonder what happens next. at least i brought my PDA ... noo my battery. Im sooo bored. Ahh dirt in my eye >_<*

[Icarus]

*dies*

Atheist "anyone here?"

God "No"

Atheist "k just checking"

[DragonPaladin]

Oh shit. I'm going to hell.

[U-238]

oh fuck they're burying me next to a preist.

[Magmaniac]

"The Bible ain't got shit on Atlas Shrugged."

[h0bgawblin]

"I wonder if it's really true that you void your bowels when you... oh crap"
*death*
God, "I installed that feature for shits and giggles"

Athiest, "huh... no wonder I didn't believe in you"

[Leosam096]

"Oh Science!" *dies*

[Thedutchjelle]

"I wonder if it's really true that you void your bowels when you... oh crap"
*death*
God, "I installed that feature for shits and giggles"

Athiest, "huh... no wonder I didn't believe in you"

LOL :D

[Serban]

"What was that quote again? ' "There are no atheists in foxholes" isn't an argument against atheism; it's an argument against foxholes'... Go me!"

[Gunmonk]

"Damn it! I forgot to set my TiVo"

[Gunmonk]

"I see a dark tunnel with allot of fire at the end of it and... *gasp* Rosie O'donnel is beckoning me to come to it aaaaaaaugghh *dies*"

[TinyDancer]

Why the hell would I quote it? I want the joke to be for those who know where it's from. If I reference it, it won't make it any funnier for those who don't know where it's from. If I don't reference it, those who do get it get to go "Hitchhikers! Nice!"


Because it's plagiarism to not reference it. Given the quality of most of the other "thoughts" in this thread, you can safely assume that the poster wrote them. People who haven't read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy [poor poor souls] will assume that you wrote this one as well, and consequently, that you are unusually clever, when in fact, the opposite would seem to be true. Give credit where credit is due.

<3 for douglas adams.

[Nostradamus]

"Quick! Get me a dolphin to swim with!"

[VigilanteV]

"HA! ths must mean only the devil is realy!"

[Icarus]

"Last rites my ass! get that damn priest outta my f#ck!n fa-" *choking convulsions, one last gasp,dead*

[VigilanteV]

"Is it getting hot in here?"

[Gunmonk]

"Protogod? Is that you?"

[VigilanteV]

"Suddenly...i hope i was wrong."

[own3d0406]

God: "Any last words?"
Atheist: "Yes, just three."

[Gunmonk]

"I knew that JW was right!"

[Leosam096]

"Faith healing? Till flying pigs become extinct I'll believe you..."
*heart attack due to laughter. then dies*

[h0bgawblin]

"I wonder if god is like willy wonka, but not as queer?"

[Gunmonk]

Well, at least I'll see (insert anyone's name here) in hell.... we'll order pizza

[Leosam096]

Atheist: "They better have Xbox360 in hell. If they don't then I regret ever choosing to be an atheist." *dies*
Satan: Welcome to my kingdom. Is ame, Satan, your worz nightmare!
Atheist: "Hmm, Satan is Mario? I never knew it would come to this... Oh, Mr. Satan? Do you have an Xbox360? If so can I play?"
Satan: Yez. The only problem iz...
Atheist: "What?"
Satan: We don't have Halo.
Atheist: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take me anywhere, anywhere but here!!!!!!!!!!

[Mattimeeleo]

"Only if life had a checkpoint...."

[Yoda]

"This is all (insert name here)'s fault. If they did a better job of providing arguments, I wouldn't be here."

:rolleyes:

[Basan]

"This is all (insert name here)'s fault. If they did a better job of providing arguments, I wouldn't be here."

"If I wasn't religion shoved to oblivion during life perhaps wouldn't have cursed so much, thus leaving me more time to be a better person." :P

[Icarus]

"ba....na..........na......phone!"

[OboeGuru]

"Why did that condom have to break..."

"I'm a fetus, I'm a fetus, I'm a fetus
I'm a fetus, I'm a fetus, I'm a fetus
I'm a fetus, I'm a fetus, I'm a fetus
Oh, Oh, Oh
I'm a ... " [insert abortion technique here]
Perhaps a bit in poor taste, but any given fetus is most certainly an atheist.

[Redhead267]

Athiest dies, then says "Hey God, now that I know you're real, I actually think you're a nice guy and all, and...COULD YOU PLEASE LET ME GO TO HEAVEN? I know I shoulda listened the first time but the people were like stalking me everyday, I mean, could you blame me??"

[Icarus]

"goddamnit I won't see starcraft 2 come out!"

[bobboy]

"I'm dead now. Coo.... ... ... Where do I go now?" *Imagine in a small room.*

[3Vee]

Atheist: "Oh. Hell."
Satan: "Very good!"

Or a different perspective: http://dresdencodak.com/cartoons/dc_019.htm. Not my work, unfortunately. I wish I were that brilliant. Mad props to Dresden Codak.

[VigilanteV]

God, zeus, allah, jesus! One of you has to take me!

[Leosam096]

"So trap balls are pylons!"

[Nostradamus]

What God is real? Heaven is real? I'm being sent straight to hell to burn for all eternity? Ah well, you win some you lose some

[master_link]

Aethist: FOR THE ALLIANCE! Ah, here's [insert stupidly long name here]-'s corpse. Just gotta loot it now...
*Wait. Where's my mouse? Wait wait wait, I'm in a dark room... WITH JESSICA ABLA?!?!?!*
???: No.
Aethist: Ok. That must mean my heart stopped again.
???: Right now, you're in a coffin.
Aethist: You're God aren't you?
DOG: No. I'm DOG. The one you forgot to FEED WHILE PLAYING WOW!
*I'm really screwed.*

[Icarus]

"en taro adun, satan."

[Leosam096]

It's this:
You: En Taro Adun!
Satan: How'd you know the name of my uncle?
You: You look like Tassadar.
Satan: How'd you know the name of my brother?

[Icarus]

*at the gates of hell*

Michael Jackson: mmm... fresh meat!

You: If michael jackson is satan, who the hell sent me here!?

Michael Jackson: thor...

[Zerg_eater]

*tell my cuz I jacked her money, which led her to losing her house and job.. and being a hob-*die*

[Kazansky]

"Well... this is it. I AM GOING TO DIE!!"

[VigilanteV]

It's getting hot in here, so take off all your cloths.

[West]

"well, time to rot in the fucking ground"

[Icarus]

"I wonder if those losers on WB will give me +rep after this"

[KexMex]

"How will my internet buddies know?"

[West]

"make sure know one gets my organs! cremate them THAN donate it! ha ha-ough!" *falls dead*

[MatGeo]

"I wonder if this afterlife everybody keeps talking about has any hot chicks"

[Gunmonk]

So if im dead then... I'm dead. There's only me. WAIT! The world exists only for me! (there ya go geckat[thought you would enjoy this one])

[Epyon94]

Priest: Now renounce the devil and all he stands for.
Me: Now my friend this is no time to make enemies.

[Zeltaris]

You lose for stealing quotes from voltaire.

[Duddits]

"I lost the game."

[PinkPanther92]

"It should be time for me to get on warboards."

[West]

"damnit! i forgot to pay the bills"

[Gunmonk]

Jeez I hope someone turns on the Air conditioner soon

[PinkPanther92]

Jeez I hope someone turns on the Air conditioner soon
A "dying athiest" not a dead one.

I got another. "I wonder how congress will be without me."

[d4rkdragon]

"Oh damn, my last save point was 5 years ago..."

[Gunmonk]

Better yet pp, I wonder if hell has an U.N.

Maybe I'll have lunch with voltaire and clinton.

When I get to hell I'ma gonna kick hitlers ass stalins too

[West]

"god damnit i soiled myself!"

[Icarus]

Dying Muslim next to atheist: "hah! I get 72 virgins and you get none!"

Atheist: "psh I've already had 97. And when I get to hell I'll have the devil be the 98th"

[West]

LMFAO!!!! LOL that was good.. lol funny

ok...... "hmm, i wonder if they have starcraft 2 in heaven? oh my bad, i ment hell... NOOOOOOOO"

[OboeGuru]

I find it funny that a lot of these jokes imply that an atheist seriously believes he's going to hell, although I rather like 124167's above one.
So, uh, joke...

"There had better not be anyone praying over my dead body... one of them might be crazy enough to set my body on fire just to prove a point!"

[Gunmonk]

Ja I think its hillarious that all these aforementioned jokesare about atheists thinking they are going to hell.oh well.

'Ya know what I could really go for right now a fried cheese filled bacon ham and liverwurstwrapped pork rhinde.'

then he would be a dying atheist

[Icarus]

in response to the above posts:

Person: "where you goin?"

Atheist: "YOUR MOMS HOUSE HAHAHAHAHAHA LOLLERZ ROFLSKATERZ" *chokes on burrito and dies*

[Leosam096]

"It's alright, son. I'll say Hi to mom for you."

[Gunmonk]

I wonder if the gameshark works in real life too?

GahHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! spam!!!! GGGGGGGaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! popups!!!!!!!!!!!!11 ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggg!!!!! rosie o'donnel nake- *falls on floor* *twitches* *dies*

[Icarus]

^^ what the hell? lol

[Gunmonk]

So the tag on the mattress says not to remove it under penalty of law. Hmmm... I wonder what happens if I pull it *riiiipppppppp* *swat tema led by micheal jackson kicks down the door and does some stylish moves afterwords* you pulled off the holy tag to the not so holy mattress defiled nightly. *blam blam blam blam blam* *atheist dies*

[PinkPanther92]

Do you guys seriously think that athiests believe they are going to hell? lol.

Joke: I should totally get on warboards right now and tell them I am dying hopefully they will remember me as GenocideAlive :P.

I bet you are all asking the same question and the answer is yes I did just talk like that about the moderators. do you know why?... CAUSE I'M @@@@ING CRAZY:o

ps. watch me get banned for this, lol.

[Icarus]

Do you guys seriously think that athiests believe they are going to hell? lol.

No. I'm an atheist, and i don't think so. But it's funnier to imagine it that way.

[OboeGuru]

No. I'm an atheist, and i don't think so. But it's funnier to imagine it that way.

Aye, I always joke about my riverside condo overlooking the Styx that I have reserved for when I pass on. It's got plenty of room for my friends to come over and crash, though I think they have their own places nearby.
The nice thing is that it's in a very well-constructed building, since every contractor who ever lived is there. :smirk:

[Gunmonk]

I think its interesting tht the very end of this could actually make it into the IR but I digress.

Atheist: "God, are you real?"
*twenty minutes pass*
Atheist: whoop! I guess not!
God: Eat this
*lightning comes down*
Atheist: SHIT!!!!
God: SMITTEN!!!!!

[nwlost]

"I have a feeling were not in Kansas anymore"

[Gunmonk]

Atheist:the chances of god existing are the chances of an anvil falling out of the sky hitting me and thus killing me.

*anvil falls*
anvil: klunk

bugs: ehhhhhhh whats up doc?

[AzVortez]

"hah! i knew your life didnt flash before your eyes right before your death!"

"wtf was all that talk about the light at the end of the tunnel: im trying to die with my eyes closed and the doctor's shovin his flash light down my eye!"

[Gunmonk]

Why did the atheist cross the road?

To get to the other side

But the atheist doesnt believe in the otherside. So if the atheist doesnt believe in the otherside then is there really a road? Does the side he stands on even exist? and if none of it really exists then does he exist?

[Gunmonk]

I wonder if chuck norris is real?

*chuck norris kicks his way in the door*

*roundhouse kicks the atheist*

Chuck: Fuck yeah he is

[Protoss_Honor]

That was completely unnecessary and not worth the necro-ing of a thread.

[Magmaniac]

A double post thread necro, and to top it off, the post offended me personally.
Congrats, gunmonk, you are the worst person @ forums, ever.

[DarkMirror]

In before the lock...