Modern War-Redvs.Blue inspired

[DarkMirror]

I started working on these like a year ago. Its just been hard to find time for them.

Could I have some feedback?

[Zeltaris]

Could you not double post in my beloved C&C?

Let me check these out, [hope they're not too long], and I'll give ya some

Ok, here goes.
Overall, they're fine. They could use some work in order to get that extra hawt factor, but they're not bad. I like it that you wrote them in nice short easy to digest bits, but 2 pages is a bit too short though.
Also, 1000 is supposed to be written in text - when in numerals it just looks off. Also, I feel your characters need to be better introduced. I had to do some guesswork to figure out who Exo and Jim were >_>

[DarkMirror]

kk. Sorry bout that.

[Zeltaris]

Nothing to be sorry about :). Post work, receive C&C, take feedback, improve, get compliments. It's the cycle of life, kid :D

[DarkMirror]

Why is noone replying!?!

[Zeltaris]

Chill, it's a forum, not a chatroom. And this particular forum has been pretty slow since mid 2006. Seems like I left and it died without me :P
So sit back, have some tea and relax. Somebody'll come along :)

[DarkMirror]

PLEASE REPLY TO THIS! I want some feedback...
*Cries*

[DarkMirror]

All feedback is from one person. COME ON!

[own3d0406]

It was too long. Too boring. Characters pop up out of nowhere. No exciting dialogue. It fails.

You happy?

[DarkMirror]

No. Why does it fail? When do chacters "pop up from nowhere?"

[own3d0406]

Looks like we got a new arrival, Sam.
Who the hell is Sam?
asked Jax
Who the hell is Jax?
Ah, um, Gyro, this is Jax and Kaz
Who the hell is Kaz?
You give no description of the characters, kind of like a "This is Spot. See Spot run." kind of thing.

You're disappointed because no one gives you reply, you're disappointed when someone does give you a reply.:rolleyes:

[bloodbane]

you dont want me to reply

[Zeltaris]

Who the hell is Sam?

Who the hell is Jax?

Who the hell is Kaz?
You give no description of the characters, kind of like a "This is Spot. See Spot run." kind of thing.

You're disappointed because no one gives you reply, you're disappointed when someone does give you a reply.:rolleyes:
Ok owned, why didn't you just post it like that in the first place? You could've spared the thread 2 posts >_>

It's a "give me C&C" type of thread, so you point out the failures, AND give suggestions on how to improve, not just post "It sucks. This is wrong, this is wrong this is wrong. You fail"

you dont want me to reply
You already did. Make it worth it at least :/

[DarkMirror]

I do give description. IU tell you what the suits look like. Plus, as for "appearing out of nowhere" its like a tv show. Do they give long, detailed descriptions for where every chaacter comes from?

[own3d0406]

Ok owned, why didn't you just post it like that in the first place? You could've spared the thread 2 posts >_>

It's a "give me C&C" type of thread, so you point out the failures, AND give suggestions on how to improve, not just post "It sucks. This is wrong, this is wrong this is wrong. You fail"
Ok Zelt, why didn't you just PM me? You could've spared this thread 1 post. You're starting to act like you own this place or something.

I do give description. IU tell you what the suits look like. Plus, as for "appearing out of nowhere" its like a tv show. Do they give long, detailed descriptions for where every chaacter comes from?
The description doesn't have to be an entire page. Just say something like "said Jax a tall, rugged man." That way, we know that Jax isn't a 4 foot girl with a tutu on.

Or, maybe you're just trying to let the reader find out what the characters look like on their own, which is very astute of you. :O

[bloodbane]

how can it be modern day if halo is in the future or has a futurestic scene

[DarkMirror]

What?

Oh, and by the way... You were asking about why your ball turned red, right?

Heres why; NEGITIVE FEEDBACK ON THE REP SYSTEM

[ajkingcool]

ok im replaying some one new, i thought that they where pretty good ive read better but there not the worst ethier they did keep me read for like 10 min make them longer k

[MatGeo]

NEGITIVE FEEDBACK ON THE REP SYSTEM

How does that happen :confused:

[bloodbane]

so how do i get 2 gold balls
it seems to be more red v blue copied rather than inspired

[DarkMirror]

They arent gold. thier red. Red=people dislike you.

and sit much differnt from rvsb. its only inspired. Ive never seen more that two episdodes.

[bloodbane]

a darky its gold
this is red
omg u need to see the rest its great

omg u need to see the rest its great

[DarkMirror]

Bloody, its RED. look closely. Dumbass...