Two Poems... No Rhymes

[CrazyTom]

Seeing how GA hates rhyming poetry, I thought I'd put up some of my recent work (the first is being sent as part of another university application, the second was a sort of personal experiment) of non-rhyming poetry.

The Girl at the Party

She walks your like a guilty secret
All the boys’ heads turn and watch
Her eyes are a promise
Her lips an invitation
For her it’s just the start of the night
For you it’s the end of the world
Principles all thrown out the window
A whisper from her and you’re on their knees
Begging
Praying
‘Please, baby, let it be me!’

She’s your demon
She’s your queen
You’re on your own now, son.
And there’s no getting out.
No matter how much you scream
She just wants more, more, more
Too much is never enough
And you’ll be crawling when she’s done with you.

A boy
A girl
A bed
Hah! We all know how this one goes.
Don’t think you can resist where so many others have failed.
Don’t think you’re special, either -
You’re just a hobby
Something to do in the afternoon.
If she comes for you, run.
Or stand your ground and die a little inside.

She walks by like a guilty secret
Her eyes a promise
Her legs an invitation.

---------------------------------------------------------

a scream of words

i am a force i am a river
i flow as pulled by things i cannot understand
i have a source of power i can act in this world
i have choice of purpose i have will to enforce my decisions
why then can i not decide

i am a spark of light yet i drown
my light in darkness of my own devising
my soul is torn because i act against my own will
it is like my choice is not my choice and yet i choose it

tear out these eyes of mine ive seen too much
why can i suspend my convictions and my faith
when it doesnt serve to feed my source
or fire my purpose or follow my will
i do not want this i want to escape these things
i want to break these chains so i can breathe

she is innocence she is joy and beauty
i am not worthy of something so pure i am a shadow
i am hypocrisy given flesh i am one who is two
two souls two of me dark and light i am shadow
i see her and her life becomes my light
and at the same time as the light brightens the darkness darkens
she is purity she is gods gift to earth to us all and i am but a shadow of her
her eyes send me to eternity

and him him who is me who is the other me
what is he is he darkness or is he light
am i doomed to be shadow or can darkness be removed
can i be true to one side and forsake the other
how do i rule disorder

is there purpose behind this where is the purpose
where is the reason
where is the truth
what is the truth i need the truth i need the reason
or i will surely die

[ShadowGonissa]

The first is okay. It gets points for having a genuine plot. Good use of imagery. But it's not all that different from your other poem, plus dangerous women have become cliche.

The second was meh. Not original, very little plot, no imagery. Remember, all writing is about communication.

[GenocideAlive]

Darkness, light, innocence, joy, beauty, shadow, demon, queen, etc. are all lofty terms. Think of how many conversations you have with everyday people that have these deep-meaning, metaphorical terms splashed everywhere. You don't. Thus, don't put them into your poetry, where they look equally out of place.