Poem, "Dead End"

[Aqo]

My life reached a dead end
Yet it could be worst
This pain will always ascend
Until it goes out in burst

Every second is a torture
Killing me from the inside
Is this what's called murder
Because soon I will have died

More than just permanent
This is in everything
It will be determinant
Of whatever future events bring

I am my enemy
Lurking from every corner
This is an epidemy
That will only end with murder

Rate this for depressingness from 1 to 10, 1 = you loled, 10 = it made you cry.

[ShadowGonissa]

Somewhere between and three and a five. I feel sorry for you, but the poem itself really isn't all that well done. First of all, I'm not sure what's happening, and two, is there a plot behind this? Even poems have to have plots. What are you trying to say? It's important that you can effectively communicate a message to your readers, because communicating emotional ideas is probably the biggest part of poetry.

[GenocideAlive]

For the love of God, stop with the fucking rhyming. I would have given it a one, but trying to poke my eye out with a burning stick doesn't count as "loling".

[Markpyro]

It's not really a poem. Yeah, it has end rhyme, but poems are supposed to be appealing when heard. Every line has a Doctor Sues-y, ill-fit word that you either made up or placed there because it rhymed, making me think you spent a total of five minutes composing it. This makes it sound stupid and distracts me from the meaning.

Even then, you might as well just make it a speech, I'm not feeling anything from what you said as it doesn't relay a lot of emotion.

Really, it sounds like a crappy rendition of Shel Silverstein.

One day he said, "I'll tell this town
How it feels to be an unfunny clown."
And he told them all why he looked so sad,
And he told them all why he felt so bad.
He told of Pain and Rain and Cold,
He told of Darkness in his soul,
And after he finished his tale of woe,
Did everyone cry? Oh no, no, no,
They laughed until they shook the trees
With "Hah-Hah-Hahs" and "Hee-Hee-Hees."
They laughed with howls and yowls and shrieks,
They laughed all day, they laughed all week,
Except, I liked his poems.

And,
Quit whining. Your lack of emotion within in the poem makes me think you're just saying this for the image, and that's annoying.





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[Aqo]

I'd like to clarify that this does not express my views in no possible way; don't let the first person writing confuse you.
This was actually written as an attemp to mock emos.

[ShadowGonissa]

It's not harsh or sarcastic enough to mock emos.

[GenocideAlive]

Sort of like making fun of fat people. It's OK, they're not people.