On Motorcycle Wrecks and Strawberries

[GenocideAlive]

So yesterday I wrecked my motorcycle. It wouldn't have been so bad, but I was in a pretty big hurry and needed to get to work because we were carpooling to a city an hour away for a pandemic flu summit. The details of the crash were that I hit a sidewalk, went airborne, and ran into some sort of traffic light device. My inner monologue went something like this:

"...shit! Too fast! Brakes! Hehehehheeh...AAAAAGHGHTINSHED!"

The actual sound of the wreck was probably something like:

thump--squeak. Rrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnn--clank ssssssssskkkskkkskkkkhkhkkkkkBLANG...*clunk*.

The "thump" being me hitting the sidewalk, the "squeak" would be my brakes being totally uselessly applied as I realized I was airborne, the "clank" would be the sound of me trying to lay the bike down before I completely ate the traffic-device thing, the sliding sound would be me sliding across the ground on my shoulder, and the "clunk" would be my helmet bonking into the pavement as I hit the shed and stopped suddenly.

It was kind of surreal laying on the pavement with my arms underneath me, resting on my shoulder and looking at the pavement from about 3in off the ground. I sort of lay there for a second or two, just taking stock of what happened and wiggling all my appendages to see if they were still there. Then I jumped up, picked up my bike, and started wrestling its 500lb. ass off of the shed.

I tried for about 3-4s to start it and it finally caught. I was concerned that it was going to stay dead and I was going to have to lug it to work. Then I would have been late to the carpool and most definitely upset a few people. So I rode it down the sidewalk for about 100m to make sure it and I were working and we were road worthy, assessing damages. As I neared another stoplight, someone from a car yelled, "idiot". That really brought the whole experience together.

So now instead of lift-with-toes to shift up and push-with-toes to shift down, it's heel-kick to shift up and heel-stomp to shift down. The gearshift is pretty fucked...it's badly warped. My clutch does like to let go, so sometimes I overrev while I'm driving, my handlebars are bent, so I'm constantly in "turn" position, and my left rearview mirror came off so I pretty much avoid going left if at all possible.

So all in all, I got fucked in the ass. My hands got nice quarter-size chunks ripped out of them, and so did my knees. Thankfully I arrived on time for the summit and my clothes didn't earn any holes (because that would be worse than showing up in jeans). I'd say a solid 6 on the Fucking Sucks scale.

[Nuts]

Ahhhh shit. A cunning stunt!

At least you're ok. Keep telling yourself it could have been worse. And hell, at least it still runs, albeit a bit difficult to handle, eh? Consider yourself proven on the battlefield. At least you know what it's like now. I'm still waiting for my wreck. It will happen some day, the odds are against me.

"...shit! Too fast! Brakes! Hehehehheeh...AAAAAGHGHTINSHED!"

My tummy hurts from laughing after I read that. Sorry. :smirk:

[AresOfOlympus]

Ouch! Back away from the bike man! Bike riders = organ donors. But as Nuts already said coulda been worse, you could be pecking the keyboard with your nose because your hands are no longer there.

[Nuts]

Bike riders = organ donors.
Bah, you obviously have never ridden a bike. I would rather die on my bike than slipping in the shower or dying from old age in front of the television. Besides, there are countless other activies which kill a far greater percentage of participants, namely smoking and fatty foods.

[GrassDragon]

Hey, you could have been one of those pretentious "holier than though types" and not worn a helmet. Then your face would be smeared across the pavement. That would be messy to clean up.

[Nuts]

Hey, you could have been one of those pretentious "holier than though types" and not worn a helmet. Then your face would be smeared across the pavement. That would be messy to clean up.
How is not wearing a helmet "holier than thou?"

[GrassDragon]

People don't wear helmets because they think that accidents don't happen to them, and they won't need it (or I suppose they could just be lazy).

[Nuts]

People don't wear helmets because they think that accidents don't happen to them, and they won't need it (or I suppose they could just be lazy).
I think you're oversimplifying the issue just a smidge.

[Kingscrab]

Hey, you could have been one of those pretentious "holier than though types" and not worn a helmet.
Ruh-Roh. Now you've done it... Be warned. The Nuts cannon is ready to fire. Fool! :chair:


Back on topic: I crashed my scooter once. The yummy chunk of elbow meat that I lost basically convinced me the upgrade to motorcyles would not be happening in my future. Ever. You guys are friggin' crazy... ;)

[Nuts]

Back on topic: I crashed my scooter once.

http://www.bootsnall.org/datw/archives/pig%20on%20a%20moped.jpg

[Kingscrab]

http://www.bootsnall.org/datw/archives/pig%20on%20a%20moped.jpg ROTFL! Bitch! It was a HONDA! That puppy could hit 40mph in 60 seconds, so eat it! :P

[Nuts]

That puppy could hit 40mph in 60 seconds, so eat it! :P

With or without the pig? :banana:

[Kingscrab]

With or without the pig? :banana: *resists urge to bust out a momma joke here* fighting... * must not... *

Funny you should ask. Substitute the pig with a dive bag plump full of SCUBA gear. At least I never had any shit thrown at me from car windows like some other people I knew who had scooters. Oh Hawaii. Aloha my ass. :(

[GenocideAlive]

Hey, you could have been one of those pretentious "holier than though types" and not worn a helmet. Then your face would be smeared across the pavement. That would be messy to clean up.
Well, as I tell my wife, I have no problem riding with a helmet on. Helmet laws make perfect sense to me, because indeed, it would be a crime to mess up this face. :)

[Darmago]

Well, as I tell my wife, I have no problem riding with a helmet on. Helmet laws make perfect sense to me, because indeed, it would be a crime to mess up this face. :)

Of course, we wouldnt want your face to end up looking like your avatar.

[hammocksleeper]

Yeah, that's never any fun. At least you got to work on time, looking (somewhat) presentable. Sucks that your bike was all banged up though. Cheers for wearing a helmet!

I have a boneheaded story of my own like that. This summer I was on vacation with friends in Italy and we decided to rent scooters for the day and ride up and down the Amalfi coast (near Sorrento). The Amalfi Coast is widely considered to be the most beautiful coastline anywhere in the world. So it was pretty sweet, here are some photos attached for you at the bottom of this post. These are some of my friends (http://www.warboards.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=5097&stc=1&d=1157746673)I took a picture of while on my scooter. Notice how small the wheels are. Top speed on these scooters is about 50km/h.

Anyway we got lost on the way out of Sorrento but we finally made it out to the coast. It was incredible, probably the coolest thing I've ever done in my life, to be in the open air, in the most beautiful place in the world. Well we were out there for basically all day, driving out as far as we could. On the way back I took a turn way too fast and the bike started sliding out from underneath me (I realized quickly that like GA, my brakes had locked up). I almost fell off the cliff to my death. I was OK though, the bike was a little bent up and I strained my wrist pretty bad, also got some nasty scars the from road rash. I felt like a complete idiot though. Worst part was, the bike wouldn't start following the wipeout, so we had to call the rental company to get me a ride back, and the worst part was we were on a cruise that was leaving port at 6:00 and it was already 5:30 with an hour left of travel time, plus dealing with returning the scooters, etc. But we barely made it, it was quite an adventure.

[GenocideAlive]

Yeah, well, if you can, imagine that wipeout at about 10MPH faster and with a "scooter" that weighs another 200kg. In a very non-scenic street sidewalk. With no hot Italian chicks to nurse my wounds. Although, thinking about it now, there's some possibility they would be all attending to the footballers, because they're faking injury all the fucking time anyway.

Good part was my incredibly cat-like reflexes and lightning-fast tin-shed spotting ability. It permitted me valuable milliseconds to completely pussy out and lay down my bike while squealing like a 4 year old girl. I didn't actually squeal because the tin shed was looming in my vision like the fucking Colossus of Sardia and I was a little preoccupied with not dying, but if I would have had more time and the presence of mind, I would have squealed for no other reason than to provide myself some comic relief.

[Kingscrab]

The Amalfi Coast is widely considered to be the most beautiful coastline anywhere in the world. It IS insanely beautiful. I've been there as well, but I went via bus. Allow me to agree with you about the scary cliffs/roads. The main road to get there runs right on the edge of the cliff and it's a fucking nightmare! The whole time I was shitting bricks... all it would take is for one good brake lock up and you're spam in a can. Ploop! Over the edge and into the drink zillions of feet below.

Seriously, it was scary. But the town of Positano was very nice. :D

[Kingscrab]

Good part was my incredibly cat-like reflexes and lightning-fast tin-shed spotting ability. Natural 20 on the Dex check! Hahahaha!

[Protosschick99]

So yesterday I wrecked my motorcycle.

Omgosh I'm soo glad you're okay! How are your arms doing? Have you gotten them checked out? I need to start praying protection over you GA--I just feel that I have to :)

You know what's strange--Two of my good friends from church got into a motorcycle accident while on their way to church last week and it was sooo awesome that they didn't injure themselves badly. They were on the freeway too--And a car ran over one of my friend's hands :( But thank you Jesus it was soo supernatural--No bones were crushed :D

Seriously what's up with these motorcycle accidents? Makes me wonder....:shiftyl:

Anywayz--I am very pleased that you were not hurt GA--Try to be careful from now on? :)

[hammocksleeper]

Yeah, well, if you can, imagine that wipeout at about 10MPH faster and with a "scooter" that weighs another 200kg. In a very non-scenic street sidewalk. With no hot Italian chicks to nurse my wounds.

Yeah, that does really suck. It's funny how time seems to go in slow-motion when you're about to die, isn't it? :D

[GenocideAlive]

You're the second person to echo such sentiment, and frankly, no, it didn't go slowly. If it had gone slower, I might have been able to avoid it. As it was, at that speed, my inner monologue might have gone something like "shit! omgggggg.g...fuckfu". I mean, you know it was fast if Genocide only got out two curse words before it was over.

The only time I remember things going slowly is when I was a kid and didn't know what the hell to do. Goals and objectives seem much clearer as an adult, time never slows down. Guess you can never go back. :~(

And thanks, PC, I think. You know, I've always believed that I'm incredibly lucky. You can call it gratitude, but seriously, for all the things I have, I'm one lucky bastard. That said, I still laughed when you said your friend got his hands run over. I couldn't help it, it was just funny. I mean, that's some unlucky shit. Well, I guess his head could have gotten run over, so maybe it was lucky. :)

[SilentSimmons]

Ya if I were you I would wear a helmet and fix your warped bike.

[AresOfOlympus]

What kind of bike BTW?

[ScottieIWU]

You have to love that you can tell GA is fine when he's more concerned about his bike and making a carpool than the fact that he just ran his ass into the ground on his bike.

Good to know you're okay, though.

[dunchy]

Harsh to hear man, sucks when you lose something precious like that :(
Drink more hard liquor if you are having a hard time getting through everything.

:(

[GenocideAlive]

Heheheh. You and Nuts are doing fine for consolation, dunch. Seriously, the hard liquor thing had me cracking up.

And Scottie, there are priorities--skin grows back in weeks, careers take years. Don't ask how I know (look under "hobbies"). And besides, I liked that bike. T_T