GenocideAlive
08-29-2006, 1:14 PM
Recently, I was forced to take a trip with my immediate supervisor to the police station for FBI stuff. My supervisor and I are on good terms, but let's face it: she's a bitch and she's chatty. So I often find myself sitting / standing next to her as she regales some god-awful tale about a topic that makes me wonder if I can file with my insurance for all the damages I'm incurring at work by grinding my teeth.
Of course, as with all of these types of people, they will talk at you unassisted for huge expanses of time. They will continue to talk until literally their inner monologue has been exhausted, and they are so deprived of stimulus as to actually be forced to stop due to lack of new input.
Pretty much the worst thing you can do is to either compete with them for talk time (this breeds animosity in them), or simply squirt in words whenever there's a pause in speech. However, squirting in words whenever there's a pause in speech has the effect of providing them the needed stimulus to talk indefinitely. This is motherfucking disastrous, and if it's happened to you, you know what I'm talking about without further explanation.
However, it's difficult (or at least taxing) to sit and listen to someone talk for 30 minutes literally without speaking a word so as not to encourage them. I have a particular technique that really entertains me and was illustrated well by this particular scenario.
We were discussing foods and what we like to eat as we passed a few restaurants, and I could tell she was winding up for a never-shut-the-fuck-up marathon. Some of the restaurants were pricey, and some weren't very good at all. She didn't like this one restaurant, and the blaze hit wildfire proportions before I could manage any sort of damage control.
We started talking about a particular restaurant and its seafood fare, and she was pretty much up to full steam by that point. Almost everything she said was punctuated by more words and a fervent impeteus to talk until she passed out, thereby preventing me from having any input that could possibly derail her. So while she was wrestling my half of the conversation from my grip, I mentioned that when my friends and I ate there, they ate calamari. To which, I replied. "I don't like octopus. I'm not into that funky shit with 8 legs and shit like that. Four legs, two legs, no legs, or gtfo plz."
So she began a diatribe on the difference between squid and octopus (as though I'm some sort of political science major) and how she likes hers cooked:
"So if they do it right, it tastes good but really spicy..."
"I don't like octopus."
"And they can recycle it later to fry it with some bread to make a calamari-type dish..."
"I'm not down with an octopus."
"It can't be overcooked or it ends up tasting like a rubber band..."
"You can keep any of that funky octopus shit."
"You'd be surprised how good raw fish is..."
"Well, I'm not eating any damned octopus."
"If they sear the tuna and keep it very rare, it tastes like steak..."
"Mmmm, steak. I like steak. I'm don't like octopus, though."
"Well, then they had hot dogs, its got..."
"I don't like mystery meat, either."
"I like sausage, and bratwurst too, these hot dogs were more like bratwurst with saur kraut and some homemade potato chips. It was a pretty good meal for a ball game and $5."
"Who doesn't like a ball game and a hot dog? As long as it's not an octopus."
"Well, don't worry. I won't make you any octopus. I usually reserve that for my friends, who like to experiment."
"... ...well, I'll experiment conservatively. Just not with any freaky octopus."
"OK. No octopus."
At this point she's semi-flustered and annoyed with my constant in-joke, but frankly I'm ready to piss myself from laughing. I'm sure she's thinking I'm a semi-sociopath because I won't let the "unfunny" octopus thing go. From my perspective, it's pretty much the only (edit: polite) thing I can say to retain my tenuous grip on sanity (and, gasp, actually enjoy myself) while she fucking babbles on and on unprompted like a fucking retard.
Good times.
Of course, as with all of these types of people, they will talk at you unassisted for huge expanses of time. They will continue to talk until literally their inner monologue has been exhausted, and they are so deprived of stimulus as to actually be forced to stop due to lack of new input.
Pretty much the worst thing you can do is to either compete with them for talk time (this breeds animosity in them), or simply squirt in words whenever there's a pause in speech. However, squirting in words whenever there's a pause in speech has the effect of providing them the needed stimulus to talk indefinitely. This is motherfucking disastrous, and if it's happened to you, you know what I'm talking about without further explanation.
However, it's difficult (or at least taxing) to sit and listen to someone talk for 30 minutes literally without speaking a word so as not to encourage them. I have a particular technique that really entertains me and was illustrated well by this particular scenario.
We were discussing foods and what we like to eat as we passed a few restaurants, and I could tell she was winding up for a never-shut-the-fuck-up marathon. Some of the restaurants were pricey, and some weren't very good at all. She didn't like this one restaurant, and the blaze hit wildfire proportions before I could manage any sort of damage control.
We started talking about a particular restaurant and its seafood fare, and she was pretty much up to full steam by that point. Almost everything she said was punctuated by more words and a fervent impeteus to talk until she passed out, thereby preventing me from having any input that could possibly derail her. So while she was wrestling my half of the conversation from my grip, I mentioned that when my friends and I ate there, they ate calamari. To which, I replied. "I don't like octopus. I'm not into that funky shit with 8 legs and shit like that. Four legs, two legs, no legs, or gtfo plz."
So she began a diatribe on the difference between squid and octopus (as though I'm some sort of political science major) and how she likes hers cooked:
"So if they do it right, it tastes good but really spicy..."
"I don't like octopus."
"And they can recycle it later to fry it with some bread to make a calamari-type dish..."
"I'm not down with an octopus."
"It can't be overcooked or it ends up tasting like a rubber band..."
"You can keep any of that funky octopus shit."
"You'd be surprised how good raw fish is..."
"Well, I'm not eating any damned octopus."
"If they sear the tuna and keep it very rare, it tastes like steak..."
"Mmmm, steak. I like steak. I'm don't like octopus, though."
"Well, then they had hot dogs, its got..."
"I don't like mystery meat, either."
"I like sausage, and bratwurst too, these hot dogs were more like bratwurst with saur kraut and some homemade potato chips. It was a pretty good meal for a ball game and $5."
"Who doesn't like a ball game and a hot dog? As long as it's not an octopus."
"Well, don't worry. I won't make you any octopus. I usually reserve that for my friends, who like to experiment."
"... ...well, I'll experiment conservatively. Just not with any freaky octopus."
"OK. No octopus."
At this point she's semi-flustered and annoyed with my constant in-joke, but frankly I'm ready to piss myself from laughing. I'm sure she's thinking I'm a semi-sociopath because I won't let the "unfunny" octopus thing go. From my perspective, it's pretty much the only (edit: polite) thing I can say to retain my tenuous grip on sanity (and, gasp, actually enjoy myself) while she fucking babbles on and on unprompted like a fucking retard.
Good times.