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View Full Version : Well, that's it. Jesus has had it.

GenocideAlive
06-30-2006, 9:57 PM
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/49844

With all due respect, he's only human.
kongurous
06-30-2006, 10:00 PM
Seems like Jesus would have snapped earlier o_O Let's hope he doesn't have a gun...
GrassDragon
06-30-2006, 11:51 PM
I love the Onion. Really, I do. And I love how Jesus says "no f'ing way".
Duddits
06-30-2006, 11:58 PM
Seems like Jesus would have snapped earlier o_O Let's hope he doesn't have a gun...

Imagine for a second if Jesus had a gun. First of all, it's a freakin gun! Boom, your dead! But wait, this is Jesus we're talking about. If he's particularly pissed, knowing how he can raise the dead and all, Jesus can just go on pummeling the shit outta your body, laughing as your head caves in. Fun times.
Yoda
07-01-2006, 10:14 AM
I read about two sentences before closing the window... I think that explains what I thought of it. :shiftyr:
Ender
07-01-2006, 10:52 AM
The Onion = Awesomeness.
Staind
07-01-2006, 11:35 AM
It was really well done :)
Mtank
07-01-2006, 12:29 PM
Eh. It was ok. I didn't find it very amusing, really.


this one was better: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50032
hammocksleeper
07-01-2006, 1:17 PM
It's good. It's not funny, it's true. Sounds like a sermon to me :)
Neo
07-01-2006, 2:57 PM
Heh, I got a slight smirk out of that.

Its like, Jesus for the 21st century...

Or like, Jesus, NOW WITH ATTITUDE!

XD

-Neo
ScottieIWU
07-02-2006, 2:39 AM
Heh, I got a slight smirk out of that.

Its like, Jesus for the 21st century...

Or like, Jesus, NOW WITH ATTITUDE!Pepsi should use the new Jesus as an advertising icon. Kind of like Buddy Jesus.
SarahK
07-02-2006, 7:33 AM
damn censorship :( so many replies delted..
CrazyTom
07-02-2006, 8:08 AM
Made me chuckle, but the Third World Cup one was better.

I guess this is what it would be like if Jesus did things the human way. Thank goodness he doesn't.

It's got vague connotations to 'The Last Temptation of Christ'... anybody seen that?

Edit: Buddy Jesus! Love that film... best line: '"What're you going do? Hit me with that fffffff - fish?
Ktan
07-02-2006, 10:12 AM
Imagine for a second if Jesus had a gun. First of all, it's a freakin gun! Boom, your dead! But wait, this is Jesus we're talking about. If he's particularly pissed, knowing how he can raise the dead and all, Jesus can just go on pummeling the shit outta your body, laughing as your head caves in. Fun times.

I have a friend who looks a wee bit like Jesus...we were thinking of making 'The Passion of the Christ, II: Judgement Day.' One Messiah and an Ak-47...sure, it's bad taste, but...meh

I skim read the article, it seemed amusing. I like the idea of the guy hanging onto a cliff, Jesus walking up, the guy going:
"Oh, nooo! Help meee!"
and then Jesus basically shrugging and walking off. That t'would be fun.
kongurous
07-02-2006, 1:45 PM
damn censorship :( so many replies delted..

Breaking the rules and censorship are two completely different things.
GenocideAlive
07-02-2006, 5:14 PM
Sort of like how Yoda tries to preach about "open-mindedness" and he can't get past two lines in a joke about Jesus. ;)
B.A.Baracus
07-02-2006, 6:13 PM
Being open minded is a sin in the eyes of the lord. Haven't you heard of "blind faith"?
GenocideAlive
07-02-2006, 6:19 PM
The point wasn't that a Christian was a closeminded zealot (gasp! yes, it's true), it was that he was fucking lecturing me about being closeminded during a debate about Evolution.

This was, of course, on top of multiple other personal attacks, but still. It's just hilarious, especially given how often he would iterate and re-iterate that he "won" the debate simply by saying Evolution is bullshit and not reading anything I put to him.

Then he puts my bullshit alarms in his sig because it's best he can do in terms of massaging his sore ass and trying a little "I know you are but what am I" retort at the same time.
DragonPaladin
07-02-2006, 8:57 PM
I have a friend who looks a wee bit like Jesus...we were thinking of making 'The Passion of the Christ, II: Judgement Day.' One Messiah and an Ak-47...sure, it's bad taste, but...meh

Its been done by Family Guy. Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This. Starring Jesus Christ and Christ Tucker (I think.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96tAoFg_xuA&search=passion%20of%20the%20christ%202
B.A.Baracus
07-02-2006, 9:02 PM
The point wasn't that a Christian was a closeminded zealot (gasp! yes, it's true), it was that he was fucking lecturing me about being closeminded during a debate about Evolution.

This was, of course, on top of multiple other personal attacks, but still. It's just hilarious, especially given how often he would iterate and re-iterate that he "won" the debate simply by saying Evolution is bullshit and not reading anything I put to him.

Then he puts my bullshit alarms in his sig because it's best he can do in terms of massaging his sore ass and trying a little "I know you are but what am I" retort at the same time.

The only real argument religious fanatics have is:
The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
Which isn't the greatest of defenses.
kongurous
07-02-2006, 9:44 PM
The only real argument religious fanatics have is:
The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
Which isn't the greatest of defenses.

You forget another argument: God is everything and anything; thus he is not bound by the normal laws of science and could easily destroy them on a whim.
ScottieIWU
07-02-2006, 9:57 PM
I think this article would have been funnier if Jesus spoke in the third person like some kind of arrogant asshole.

"Jesus has had it! Jesus tries to be forgiving but Jesus simply cannot handle him anymore."
B.A.Baracus
07-02-2006, 10:02 PM
I think this article would have been funnier if Jesus spoke in the third person like some kind of arrogant asshole.

"Jesus has had it! Jesus tries to be forgiving but Jesus simply cannot handle him anymore."

Jesus created us to worship him, thats not arrogant enough?
kongurous
07-02-2006, 10:03 PM
Jesus created us to worship him, thats not arrogant enough?

Does it ever explicitly state humans were made to worship God?
SarahK
07-02-2006, 10:24 PM
dildos are PG 13.. american pie anyone :P
kongurous
07-02-2006, 10:34 PM
dildos are PG 13.. american pie anyone :P

American Pie was rated R in America, and it was rated 15 in the UK. Both of which are higher than the age of 13.
SarahK
07-02-2006, 10:54 PM
ROFL R

prudish yanks
kongurous
07-02-2006, 10:59 PM
ROFL R

prudish yanks

Your country isn't much better.
AJ
07-02-2006, 11:11 PM
/yawn @ Sarah & censorship.

/laugh @ the onion, i missed that article. good one.
B.A.Baracus
07-02-2006, 11:14 PM
ROFL R

prudish yanks

Its not the citizens that make these prude decisions, its the fat, balding congressmen who haven't seen pussy in 20 years who make the decisions.
ScottieIWU
07-02-2006, 11:32 PM
ROFL R

prudish yanksI swear, this is how the British are getting back at the US for beating their asses in two wars and then saving their asses in two others.
Ktan
07-03-2006, 4:02 PM
No, it's just a small minority.

Don't drag up the whole war thing, you wouldn't have had a war to save us from if we hadn't held on so damned long. I'm not saying we owe you nothing, I'm just saying a bit of respect would be nice. Sarah K is one british person, and she is outweighed by the more numerous sensible members we have on this board.
Veeger
07-03-2006, 5:34 PM
Welcome back, AJ.

*Veeger stuffs dildo into Sarah's mouth* Shut. Up.

That article was sacrilegious, disrespectful, and wrong.

I'm omniscient, I see what's going on.

But that made me laugh.

EDIT: oh, hush! lol
SarahK
07-04-2006, 6:52 AM
There's nothing wrong with "sacralige" (rofl)
CrazyTom
07-04-2006, 7:29 AM
I think you'll find it's 'sacrilege', but hey, who cares?
As to whether it's wrong or not, that's a matter of opinion.

As for the wars... America's selfish policy of isolationism (which proved ultimately futile) cost untold thousands of lives - if they'd intervened earlier, they could have defeated the Nazi regime before the Final Solution began to claim the lives of anyone who dared to disagree with Hitler. Also, their failure to stop trading with him also contributed to German victories.

So before your country winning wars for ours, make sure your country didn't contribute to the continuation of that war. Granted, it's true that without American intervention, I'd most likely be speaking German now, but make sure you get your facts right.