a poem *WIP*

[HeroicRaptor]

picture yourself in hell:
(same rhythm as Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds)

picture yourself in hell with all the others,
with no one in heaven, was anyone right?
apparently not, at least it seems thus.
a god without servants's a sight!
your sins come back now, they haunt you quite greatly.
attacks from all sides are killing your soul.

[Chuckles]

I wrote a parody of this same song a while back and found it to be quite a challenge. There is something about Beatles songs that makes them hard to match new lyrics with. Anyway, there isn't enough there yet for me to make any comment, but I'll check back once you've gone further.

[TranquilNightElf]

It's a decent start.
Any clue as to what inspired you to fashion a poem around this theme?

~TNE

[HeroicRaptor]

It's a decent start.
Any clue as to what inspired you to fashion a poem around this theme?

~TNE
I was just listening to the song and this popped into my head.

[GenocideAlive]

It's very poor, boring, and cliched. Look for an original theme, likeable characters, or an interesting conflict/plot. Otherwise, this is crap and you need to start over. I say this with love.