My poem

[Dusty]

What is fire?
It can be a symbol.
It represents truth and justice.
It can show us the truth or light the darkest night.

It can be a tool, for some to destroy, and yet for others to survive.
It warms the coldest day and cooks the most frozen meat.

For others it is pleasure.
They gather around the fire.
With crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows, they tell scary stories, and play fun games.

To others it is sacred.
Like the everlasting flame,
That burns for U.S. soldiers.
Till every one comes home,

To other it is mysterious, beautiful yet destructive. Should we stop and eradicate it?
Or, just let it be?
It is part of nature but dangerous it can be.

What is fire?
It can be a tool, used for pleasure, it can be sacred, and it can be a mystery.
It all depends on you.











I hope you enjoy this please comment!

[Hawthorne]

That is not a poem, it's not even a thousandth of a percent close to what a poem is, you're just being logical, not emotiuonal as a poem should be. Just get out of here and dont' get back without a heart! :)

[GenocideAlive]

These type poems are sometimes referred to as "laundry lists", and are an aquired taste for most that like them.

Problems:

Some redundancy, high-language, and cliche words.

In other words, it really looks like you're trying to hard to make points. You have to assume that your reader isn't an idiot and can understand subtlely. Of which, your poem has none.

[Hawthorne]

GenocideAlive, that is not poetry, that's a call for help :)

[Kazansky]

I'll just get straight to the point: YOU'RE TRYING TOO HARD.

[Leosam096]

for me its like an essay asking what is fire.someone must've reduced the words,tried to put more meaning and then press enter to make a space...to imitate the look of a poem...it may not rhyme i say...but nice try anyway!

[GenocideAlive]

GenocideAlive, that is not poetry, that's a call for help :)
That's one of the funniest things I've seen posted in a while. It's horribly mean and quashing of the creative spirit, but funny.

It was at least an honest effort, which was better than some others I've read around here.

[ScottieIWU]

For what it is, it's pretty good. I'm not a fan of that style of poem but the key to it is to end before the reader crosses that line from "cool, I understand" to "okay, I get it, stop." Nobody wants a 5 page laundry list about fire.

However, I do have two issues:

1) The stanzas are extremely inconsistent. Some lines are huge while others are short. While your form doesn't seem to have any kind of standardized stanza, it is still disconcerting visually to see a line that is about three times as long as all the others.

The solution? Line breaks.

2) Description? Your definitions are very literal and there is no problem with that. However since that is the case you may just need to throw in a little more elaboration.

I'd say in general just revise, revise, revise. Most poems are never done, so as your writing matures, help your poems to mature, also.

And, complaint #3 which I forgot until now:

"Or, just let it be?
It is part of nature but dangerous it can be."

No word inversion and please don't rhyme be with be. Your poem doesn't rhyme, so don't force it.

[Dusty]

Ah well this is mostly what i expected BTW Hawthrone if i needed to cry for help i wold have just yelled help i'm a direct kinda guy

[Leosam096]

its a good start!just keep practicing and keep it coming!