"I love you"

[Sikawtic]

I was just reading through Moser's thread and immediately read (first response to the thread) GA say this: Telling someone "I love you" isn't a joke unless you're trying to get laid, and relationships aren't collectible card games.

I just want to see all of your opinions on the matter, because I definitely agree with him.

When I started dating, it wasn't to get laid. It wasn't even just to have a gf, it was the fact that I found someone who I really enjoyed being with. We only dated for 2 months, and I can seriously say that even after she ripped my heart out that I loved her. We became good friends after it ended and were so up until recently (a complicated story, maybe for some other time.)

The Other Kind of Love (random insert)
I've always thought of myself as knowing what real love is. I'm not talking about having a crush, getting dizzy or having butterflies or anything like that. I'm talking about committing to a relationship, and loving somebody. I believe it's not only an emotion, but something you have to strive for. If you don't be a good husband/boyfriend to your wife/girlfriend (or vice versa if your a female) then your not loving them.

back to the story...
Yes, I told my first gf I loved her (speaking in the emotional sense again) before I was actually sure, and we talked about this (afterwards) and both felt that sometime before the divide we actually meant it. Now, I was younger then and didn't pursue her. Until recently, but that's part of that other story...






I still love her, if not in more of a friendly way. I currently am "tied up" (not dating, complicated relationship... ) with someone else who I love, but am not certain that she feels the same way about me. I'd like to note that I made sure not to tell her that I loved her until I was sure I could mean it and put forth a little effort to make the relationship work through the tougher times. (we'll see if I am doing any good when she's figured out what she wants)

(sorry if that's a little incoherant... I'm simply asking for what your opinion on using the words "I love you" in a relationship.)

[JenJen]

i agree with you. "I love you" shouldnt just be thrown around with an infatuation. To me loving someone is when you can't imagine being with anyone else. You would do anythig if it made them happy and you would give your life for them. I think maybe that's a bit more serious than what you were talking about, but that's my take on it. I also agree that love requires work. You have to give something and take something from the relationship.

[Moser]

There are many kinds of love.

Example: True love.
To me loving someone is when you can't imagine being with anyone else. You would do anythig if it made them happy and you would give your life for them. I think maybe that's a bit more serious than what you were talking about, but that's my take on it. I also agree that love requires work. You have to give something and take something from the relationship.

Example: I like to call it "Pizza love."
You say you love somebody like you say you love material things, such as pizza or your favorite food. You may love being around them, but after awhile, you get sick of them and it all changes. You have "off and ons" with this so-called, "Pizza love."

I believe that love shouldn't be thrown around also, although I may sound a little contradictory. However, in order to learn, you must make mistakes, and thats what I did; as explained in my other thread. I believe I was in "pizza love." :confused:

[Sikawtic]

Mistakes suck, but they do have their educational values.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

[GrassDragon]

The chicks around here are always throwing that around. I hear about people dating for a week and then all of a sudden they love each other. It's just bullshit. I got sucked into it because my first girlfriend was like that and I was naive and in love with the idea that I had a girlfriend. I understand the concept a little more now though, and I get that it's not a feeling. I believe that love has nearly nothing to do with emotion; it's a choice to be committed to someone no matter what happens.

EDIT: Pizza love, I like that.

[Ecthelion]

Indeed. People are too quick to jump into "love" when all they have is an infatuation, though for many it is hard to make the distinction. I've only ever told one person "I love you", family excluded. Unfortunately, she got a little freaked out, which is understandable. We're separated at the moment, but alas, these are my troubles.

The word love is often used too excessively, especially by teenagers. The words, when spoke ingenuinely as it so often is, have little impact. I told my girlfriend when I knew I truely meant it. Unfortunately, she wasn't ready. JenJen said it perfectly: "loving someone is when you can't imagine being with anyone else". Love should only be used when you are absolutely sure of this.

[TinyDancer]

I hear about people dating for a week and then all of a sudden they love each other. It's just bullshit. I got sucked into it because my first girlfriend was like that and I was naive and in love with the idea that I had a girlfriend. I understand the concept a little more now though, and I get that it's not a feeling. I believe that love has nearly nothing to do with emotion; it's a choice to be committed to someone no matter what happens.



I hear about that too, and I think it's bullshit as well. There are rare cases, sure. But seriously now, when you start dating someone, are you really thinking about the rest of your life? I've also been infatuated with the idea of a boyfriend. I got over that pretty fast, and now I avoid relationships for the most part, because I don't want to get involved with someone that I don't feel extremely strongly about. I won't be your girlfriend unless I've gone out with you on at least a few dates, and until I've known you for a significant amount of time. I'm sick of people doing things backwards, girlfriend first, dating and love later.

Pizza love makes perfect sense to me.

I think there is also friendly love. Love that isn't romantic love, love that is there, and will always be there. I can say that I love GrassDragon, and I love my friend Victoria, and I love my friend Liam (there are more, but I can't name everyone). That doesn't mean I want to date them or marry them or sleep with them (not ruling anything out though either, ;) ), it just (to me anyways) means that I care about them deeply, and would do almost anything for them.

There is also family love, but I think everyone pretty much understands that.

There's my two and a half cents...

[Sikawtic]

I think TD just expressed that she was interested in sleeping with GD :P

[AJ]

Uhm. I never get sick of pizza.
I'd go so far as to say I pizza-love Jen. :P

[Sikawtic]

I see wrath in your future.

[TinyDancer]

I see wrath in your future.

That's why he said he never gets sick of pizza.

And, did I say that? *shifty eyes*

[DragonPaladin]

That's why he said he never gets sick of pizza.\

One can never get sick of pizza. Pizza is like love in edible form. Mmm....love...cheese....cheese love....

Love is interesting. I find that you can be attracted to a girl and enjoy her company, but not exactly LOVE her. Love is not something primordial...it requires thought and complexity...I believe that when you meet someone you love, you will immediately know.

[Ecthelion]

I hate eating pizza two days in a row.

Sorry to ruin everyone's metaphor. I am ashamed :( *cries*

[GenocideAlive]

I'm sort of short on teenage angst, so sorry if I'm not currently up to par on all of the analogies and euphamisms, but I have this to say: hormones fuck everything up. You think you want something, then it turns out you're just pumping testosterone that day. Then you think you want something else, and you find out that was actually a logical decision and you didn't pursue it hard enough. As a teenager, your first goal in any sort of commitment will be to be even-handed.

That is, to be consisent, fair (to yourself AND your partner), and thinking. Otherwise, you're on a one-way highway to Fuckedupsville (10mi). Say whatever you'd like, but two of the most important factors for successful marriages is 1. experience 2. logic. If you don't know what's out there, you won't know what you like. If you don't know what you like, you more than likely won't be able to find it. If you can't figure out how to make what you like (your partner) happy, then it won't last either.

Some of those things come from experience, some of them come from the ability to stay cool and level-headed--which I don't think are mutually exclusive. Take it or leave it.

[Modred]

I've had thoughts similar to the current of this thread for the past few years. In fact, I've only told one person outside my family that I loved them in all of that time. Perhaps that's a little drastic.

Pope Benedict XVI issued his first encyclical on Wednesday, which coincidentally happens to focus on love. From what I gathered from the news article in the paper, he warns that "love" as many people use it (but specifically in regards to sexual attraction) has turned humans into commodities because it is freqeutnly not accompanied by "unconditional love."

As far as types of love, I believe all three have been identified earlier in the thread. If you'd like names to go with them, Eros is sexual (also root of the word erotic), Agape is unconditional, and Philia is friendship (hence Philadelphia is the city of brotherly love).