Not something I'd normally do: Relationship Problem (Serious posts only, please)

[Moser]

Alright guys, this is something I would typically never do, but I have run out of energy and this problem of mine is leading me into depression. I just need some advice and suggestions on what to do. I know many of you have probably been in the same situation and would know the best thing to do.

I don't want anybody to flame me here, because I am putting my emotions and feelings on the line here.. I expect just a little respect. Unfortunatly, I suck at writing, there is way to much detail to post, and I just down right don't know how to explain it all.

If you could really care less about the story line, just skip to the bottom, there is my problem in bold.

Note: All names have been changed for the sake of privacy. If there are any errors in my "story" bear with me, please. If you actually do have an interest in this, PM me and I'll tell you more, if you'd like.

It all started a few years ago when I ment a certain young lady named Sarah. When I first met Sarah, she seems to like me alot, however at the time I wasn't exactly interested and she just didn't seem to be my type. As time went on, she tried her best to get my attention and I just kind played along, but kept it clear that I wasn't exactly interested in dating her. A few months past and I found a girl, Jamie, that I actually did like and went out with her instead of Sarah. Sarah's heart was officially broken.

I went out with Jamie for about 5 months until one day I started talking to Sarah online and she seemed very interesting and just an amazing person to me. I soon lost interest in my current girlfriend Jamie and wanted to be with Sarah. However, I had broken Sarah's heart once before and she was pretty hesitant. After about 3 months I won Sarah over, but only for a day when she dumped me for somebody she liked more then me, which is understandable.

This was only the start. This guy was a real asshole to her and she was always upset and of course; I was always there to tell her how beautiful and amazing I thought she was. It seemed as though she only liked me as a good friend -- you know, one of those friends you can tell anything to and not have to worry about them repeating that. Thats exactly what I did, but I wanted to be more then just friends and I made that clear.

Sarah and I lost contact for awhile, but she was constantly in my head. Everything I did would remind me of her and just make me want her more, but I didn't know what her feelings were for me. She always told me she liked me, but you know girls (no offense to anybody). She was the type of girl who had alot of guy friends, so I had no idea if she said that to just me, or if it was something she said to all the guys she was around. At one point she even told me she loved me. After losing touch with Sarah, I decided to try and move on and I found another girl by the name of Kelsey. Kelsey seemed like a nice girl and somebody I could just have fun with.

At first, everything seemed to go fine between Kelsey and myself, always laughing and having fun. Not a care in the world. It changed after awhile and we began to argue more and more.. about stupid stuff, nonetheless. Not to mention my feelings for Sarah never went away. It's hard to be with somebody when you have somebody else on your mind almost all the time. It's like living a double life, and it's depressing to me.

So down to my little problem. I told Kelsey I loved her, which i truely did at one point-- but all that has gone away now and the only person I love and want to be with, is somebody who loved me a few years back, and "likes" me. I'm not happy with Kelsey, and want to be with Sarah but don't want to break Kelsey's heart. It is depressing. I know things will never last between Kelsey and I, and I know the kind of person she is. She loves me more then anything, and without me.. her life would be "crushed" as she puts it. I don't want to be responsible for that.

What are your guys' suggestions-- Stay with somebody who is just mediocre to me, or go for the girl who I know I would be happy with and who is so beautiful and amazing in my eyes; however, I don't know if she feels the same way about me, as I feel about her. I know things will never be the same between Kelsey and I.

[GenocideAlive]

Step aside, everyone! Sensitive love letters are my speciality.

Dear Kelsey,

Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.

See ya,

Moser.

As far as Sarah goes, you're going to have to grow a pair and go after her. You're going to have to do that whole bare your soul thing and wait to see what she says. It'll probably be too much, you'll freak her out and start some sort of addictive behavior. But let's face it; you're kind of a snit.

You have this nasty habit of jilting chicks for some other chick that you've got a temporary obsession with. "The grass is always greener...", so to speak. So I think you need to dump Kelsey and your head screwed on straight. Let Sarah be until you can figure out what the hell is wrong with you.

Telling someone "I love you" isn't a joke unless you're trying to get laid, and relationships aren't collectible card games. I feel more sorry for the girls you're using moreso than for you, 'cause it sounds like you've got enough pity for yourself already.

[Moser]

I deffinatly don't use them. I have told every girl I have ever been with "I could care less about sex." And and you call 2 and a half years a "temporary obsession" then be my guest. I did honestly love Kelsey at one point, but feelings change. I understand that "I love you" is not something to just toss around, and I don't do it. If I say it, I mean it. I almost moved across the country with Kelsey, but then things started to go down hill. She was never really my type, way to emotional and she made a big deal out of everything. She is basically my shadow, I have no freedom, nor can i do anything alone. It has always been "Steve and Kelsey." Kelsey has basically changed the person I used to be because I adapt to making her happy, and not myself.

To add to in, I have gotten to know Sarah more and more over the past 2 and a half years, and have been there for her when she's been through so much. On the other hand, I barely know anything about Kelsey compared to what I know about Sarah.

I'd like to thank you for your sincerity GenocideAlive. =)

I broke Sarah's heart, she broke mine. Should I even try to be with her or should I let it go? I just can't legitimatly let it go when I know that her and I never had an actual chance to be together.

They always say that you get nowhere in life without taking chances, are they right?

[nix14085]

the way I've always looked at things is like this. you have to do what you want to do. Its your life, you should be #1.

If staying with this kelsey chick makes you miserable, dump her. you shouldn't make your life miserable just cuz someone might be temporarily inconvenienced. trust me she may be "crushed" but she'll get over it. as far as sarah goes, i gotta agree with GA. Grow a pair and go after her. if she dosent feel the same way then you can't really help it. If she does then your set. at least until you find a new girl who is "so beautiful and amazing in your eyes"

well yea theres my 2 cents

[Moser]

at least until you find a new girl who is "so beautiful and amazing in your eyes"
Thats the thing, in 2 and a half years, I haven't met ANYBODY who I liked as much as her. She just seems to good to be true. Makes me feel happy in every way. I promised myself that I would not just "find a new girl" with her because if I did, that would be a waste of 2.5 years, and I would dissappoint myself. She is different to me.

Sorry, I probably sound so messed up right now. :\

[Modred]

Don't expect getting together with Sarah to make you happy. To summarize your experience: Sarah like you, but you like Jamie. Attempting to suit your own quest for "happiness", you went with the one you liked more. Eventually, you liked Sarah more and "happiness" led you away from Jamie and back toward Sarah. When Sarah was lost to you, you went for Kelsey, and from your post appeared to be happy for a while. Now that you might have a chance with Sarah again, that will make you happy. See a pattern here?

Anyway, if you're after pleasure, then just do what you want. Break Kelsey's heart and move on. And I highly doubt she'll be crushed for a long time--after the initial shock and denail wears off, you might even be able to remain friends.

Hmm, does anyone else find it odd that when a person likes someone, they have a "crush," and when someone's hopes at a relationship fall short, they are "crushed?" An interesting coincidence?

[nix14085]

Thats the thing, in 2 and a half years, I haven't met ANYBODY who I liked as much as her.

Except of course jamie...

But hey man you do what you want. we're just trying to keep you from getting sucked into the "always want what you don't have until you get it" type of lifestyle

[Fred1000000]

Ok, the following most may seem harsh, but that's how I am with these topics. If you don't want to read it, don't. I only warn you, it's a bit harsh, and is completely how I feel.








GET A REAL LIFE!! Really, if you're going to have a girlfriend, don't just do the AOL 30-day-trial things. Get one, stick with one, and live happily ever after in a world filled with magical bunnies. If another heart is broken, get with the program. Just give up, go on to something else, and just forget all about these stupid relationship......Things. So, I don't really give a <LLAMA>,

I told you it was harsh. But, I'm like that.

[BlackHawk]

As GA said. Go get Sarah -- you obviously think she's better for you. Besides, friendships are the leading steps into a relationship.

GET A REAL LIFE!! Really, if you're going to have a girlfriend, don't just do the AOL 30-day-trial things. Get one, stick with one, and live happily ever after in a world filled with magical bunnies. If another heart is broken, get with the program. Just give up, go on to something else, and just forget all about these stupid relationship......Things. So, I don't really give a <LLAMA>,

I told you it was harsh. But, I'm like that.

Since Moser is still in highschool the odds of him keeping a long-lasting relationship are slim to none. Highschool (and University / College to a lesser extent) are a time to experiment with relationships, not to just settle down with "the one" that you think you're going to marry.

[nix14085]

Highschool (and University / College to a lesser extent) are a time to experiment with relationships, not to just settle down with "the one" that you think you're going to marry.

Now why is it that people dont seem to realize that? too many people just dont seem to realize that they have plenty of time to pick who they want marry. i gues its a instant gratification thing to just act like you're in love with someone.

i should start a new thread entitled " Frustrations of a single college kid stuck in an emo society"

[Hawthorne]

If yu're not able to contact her, maybe she doesn't want to be found? Ever thoguht about that, other thing she might be dead and you might be turning off Kelsey for a zombie? Well I'm not an expert in many things and I doubt I could be helpful here, just do wha your heart tells you.

Hawthorne

[Fred1000000]

Since Moser is still in highschool the odds of him keeping a long-lasting relationship are slim to none. Highschool (and University / College to a lesser extent) are a time to experiment with relationships, not to just settle down with "the one" that you think you're going to marry.
Exactly. Girls are not to be meant as experiments. That's why I said to stop doign that stuff for a while.

[WarBrood]

Girls are not to be meant as experiments.
THANK YOU!!!

[Fred1000000]

Er, no problem.

[Yoda]

Ok. I don't have that much experience in things like this. None at all, since I've never had a girlfriend and don't know anyone who I'd particually want for one. But anyway. How does Kelsey feel about you? Dumping Kelsey and trying to get back with Sarah may not give you a guaranteed time of happiness.

[Magmaniac]

I also agree with GenocideAlive, I think you should dump Kelsey and try to be with Sarah.
Remember this: Love isn't something that fades with time. If you say you once loved her but don't anymore, than you never really loved her in the first place, and probably never will.

GL HF DD

[xodkrm]

Ok, the following most may seem harsh, but that's how I am with these topics. If you don't want to read it, don't. I only warn you, it's a bit harsh, and is completely how I feel.








GET A REAL LIFE!! Really, if you're going to have a girlfriend, don't just do the AOL 30-day-trial things. Get one, stick with one, and live happily ever after in a world filled with magical bunnies. If another heart is broken, get with the program. Just give up, go on to something else, and just forget all about these stupid relationship......Things. So, I don't really give a <LLAMA>,

I told you it was harsh. But, I'm like that.
I wish it were that easy.

[SHISHKABOB]

You know on a Simpsons episode Lisa was trying to explain to Bart that he only wanted this one girl because Milhouse was going out with her. Maybe since you have not seen her for a while, she has grown even more and more beautiful in your eyes because you have been fantasizing about her, just remembering the most beautiful parts of her and adding on to that. I don't know I am just making a speculation.

[SuiCidAl-KiSmEt]

= Sorry, I didn't read all the posts. =

This really sickens me. Both males and females do this. They date everyone until they think they found someone, which ends up like the last hundred times. This is the reason I don't date... much. I haven’t really dated with anyone especially for their looks. If you like a girl for their looks... fine, but if a girl really loves you, don't ignore her.

Anyways, it's really hard to decide. You have to be happy too. Give it a little more time, if you and Sarah ever become more than "friends" like she said, I think it'll be a good choice to have Sarah.

[MidnightGladius]

I'm not quite sure if this is completely accurate, but it seems that in the Middle Ages, relationships were founded on character: honor, valor, integrity, and so on. In more modern times, you notice people for their "looks", their beauty, or their material possessions. The difference is that character is entirely dictated by the person in question, while physical attributes and wealth are much more set in stone (a lot more "lower-class" people significantly raised their social status back then compared to the number of "lower-class" people who significantly raised their economic status now; extensive facial surgery is also pretty rare for now). I think I can justly say that judging on appearance is a far more inefficient way than by judging on character. Just my two cents.

As to the issue at hand. I agree strongly with the statement that people should not be used as 'experiments'. Even though it may provide some experience for later life, it is demeaning to the individuals involved and usually ends up with a lot of people ending up upset. My personal opinion is that high school isn't the best time and place to be dating, Realistically, logistics more than anything else is the force that limits marrying your high school "sweetheart".

I think you need to calm down and think for a bit. If you really believe that you can enjoy a happy relationship with Sarah that won't end painfully, then by all means end your current ties and see if she's appreciative to your requests. Above all, do what you think is best for all involved. That's all I can fairly say from the information you've given and my limited knowledge on the matter.

[SHISHKABOB]

Uh most of the relationships in the MA were based on what your mom and pop said. If they didnt like that one family that your love is in. Basically sucks for you. Or in royalty many alliances were formed by having your kids get married.

[Mattimeo]

Ok, let's see here. You claim that you used to like this kelsey girl, but now you don't. Would you care to explain why this is? If you don't want to I can just give you this generic advice, let kelsey know what's bothering you before you overreact and dump her. If she's really so interested in you that you leaving her would "crush" her then I think that being honest and letting her know what's bothering you would result in good conversation and an agreeable solution. If you can't work it out after that, then you have grounds to let her down gently. But don't overreact and just leave her. Doing things like that result in situations like you have with Sarah where you're both hesitant about doing anything because of bad experiences in the past. Just talk to Kelsey and see where it goes.

~Don't Panic

[AJ]

at author's request.